Am I doing the right thing?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I have been with a girl for over 3 years now, we have a 2 year old daughter together and I also have a son from a previous relationship. I am 8 years older than her as well. For the past 6 months she keeps telling me she doesnt want to be with me, she isnt in love with me and feels we should move on, she says she has no friends so she sometimes hangs out with me just to do something. Then within 2 or 3 days she is calling again and wanting to spend time together. That usually lasts about a week then its the same thing all over. When she tells me this stuff she is usually in a bad mood, she has never told me it when she is calm and collective. Prior to all this we had planned on getting married and I never saw any of this coming. She started backing away intimately for a while and then started saying this. She had a "Friend" she studied with quite often at college(She just recently graduated) and she talked about him all the time, I never even thought a thing about it but I found out through a mutual friend they did more than study, I asked her about it and she swears they didnt have sex, but did mess around. I dont know if I believe her or not and I really dont care to know the truth. I know we were technically broke up so I cant be mad but the fact she was spending time with me during all this kind of hurts. She Graduated a couple months ago and hasn't talked to him or hung out with him since that I am aware of and for the past month things have been good, but I also told her I went out with my ex and thats when she wanted to start spending time together and even be intimate again, Im still scared she is just going to blow up again, I really think she wants to be with me but just isnt ready. She still brings up the ex thing, making little references to me going out with her. So there is some jelousy, I know I should just be patient but I am so in love with her and want things to work so bad I act stupid sometimes. The age difference is a huge factor, she is 22 and I am 30, I hope its just a phase she is going through but she know she has me wrapped around her finger and I will come back each time. Am I doing the right thing by sticking around or am I just setting myself up to keep being hurt?
Women often want to spread their wings when they are 21.
Your ex probably has a feeling of being tied down and needs a break. And this is what is happening, in effect.
My advice is to give this situation six months to develop. After six months, analyze where things stand and make your final decision.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com