What should I do?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
Me and My friend have been talking for 6 months as of yesterday. I have been commited to him and only him for 6 months. At first I was scared to let my feelings go b/c everyone i give my heart to always hurts me, but eventually I did. At one point in time we were both on the same page. I could honestly tell that he really liked me. But midway he started to change. My feelings were only gettin stronger for him by the day. He led me on and made me think that we were way more than friends and now he shoves it in my face that we're not (but he still acts like it in a way at times). But yet he still says Im just his close friend. I really think I love him and I really put my all into us and tried to make things work. We talked about the situation yesterday and here is what he said. He wants me to stick aound and be there for him. However he's not basically told me that he wasnt even tryin to get to the relationship point, basically on my level. He claims he really likes me and he doesnt want me to leave him. He says he's not ready to take it that far. (but still i see it as he wants to do everything else that a person in a relationship would do. He would get mad if another dude tried to talk to me or if i was around other dudes. I really do want to be there, but whats the point if dnt even know if he'll ever get to my level (6 months passed and year then 2 could be here soon and i feel that that's alot of time put into something if we're only going to remain friends) & its really hard for me to stop caring...if he's still in the picture. He also said that im the only girl he has feelings for and that if he had to decide who he wanted to spend the rest of his life with now...it would be me. He stays on my mind. He's like my other half. But i really dnt think its the same with him. He also told me that if he was to be my boyfriend right now, then i would have a dog for a boyfriend meaning that he might slip up. He said throughout these six months he hasnt been put in a situation like that, but he still doesnt know if it could happen or not. He told me that i was perfect when it came to girlfriend material, but it him thats not ready i guess. Then he turns around and tell me not to put him first anymore. He has more important things to think about than a relationship now. Just if people like mention him around me, just be like I dnt care. I told him i didnt understand the purpose of that...but he said i will in the long run. I just really dnt know what to do cuz i really care. Im always there for him, and I always do stuff for him and i try to support in every thing he does. I feel that actions speak louder than words. He does stuff that hurts me and says he cares but if he cared then he really wouldnt be doing or saying some of the things that he has said to me. I care about his feelings and i never try to hurt him. But when its comes to me its like oh well...she'll be okay. It hurts me because im so confused about us now. Its like i gave him my heart and now he's just shoving it back in my face. Im very stressed out. Its like he's telling me to care and be there, but then at the same time he's tellin me not to. I just really need some advice...b/c im very confused and constantly hurtin inside while it seems to me the he's okay.
Basically, he wants friends with benefits and you want a deeper relationship.
You can either go along with it or put your foot down and say no.
In any case, you need to be prepared that he might not come back to you. And, even if he comes back you may not want him anymore. You only had the talk recently so maybe some of his thoughts were not clearly explained so let more time pass if you want to stick with him.
My advice is to tell him you're going to dump him if he doesn't shape up.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com