Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Hi. Okay. Since I'm a writer by trade, I'm sorry this might get a little long. It's not a simple question. As with most relationship questions it's very involved and situation based. So, some background is necessary.
This guy and I have been dating off and on since the summer after my senior year of high school, so it's been about nine years. When we weren't dating we were very close friends, except the last time. The last time we separated, we had no contact not even as friends. During that time, both of us kind of grew up. I grew up with a lot of mental and emotional abuse. I've even been molested on two occasions, the main reason why I'm 27 and I'm still a virgin. I just don't want to give it up to someone who doesn't deserve it, you know. Well, I finally met some good friends and they helped me stop being a victim, but to be a loving and affectionate woman who doesn't take any crap from anyone heheh. Unfortunately, it wasn't that good for my guy. His father died and while he was in mourning, as far as I understand, a lot of his close personal friends used him financially and emotionally. He experimented with drugs at some point, I don't know details. He also started a new job. The job involves him leaving at a moments notice to other states, other countries even. He works at the airport as maintenance. It is impossible for him to make any long term plans. Anyway, he's completely different now. He goes to strip clubs. His best friend is a total jerk. His best friend has pressured me for sex twice now and all my guy did was have a talk with him. My guy also tells these jokes that degrade women now. He did it once for two hours straight and got offended when I got mad at him for it. He's inconsiderate now too. I understand that his job is stressful and spontaneous. He must be exhausted switching time zones all the time. And of course, he wants to rest and/or do what he wants to do instead of doing what everyone else wants him to do all the time. However, every time he says "maybe" or "we'll see" that's just as much a 'yes' as it is a 'no' and the person he's saying that to deserves at least a heads up that he's not going to make it. Anyway, for two months after our three year break all we did was get confused and fight. So, we called it quits, pending on us getting to know each other again and remembering why we fell in love in the first place. I swear, this guy used to be grotesquely romantic and really thoughtful. He was almost too good to be true.
Well, we're just friends now...sort of. We still fight. He still tells his stupid jokes. And, he never calls me. I always have to call him, but he's always happy to hear from me. Now, here's our latest "big fight".
On Christmas, we exchanged gifts. He bought me a huge gift that probably cost him a ton of money. I'm low on cash, so I made him a present. After I saw what he got me, I felt bad...especially since what I made wasn't my best work. So, I made another one that looks like something someone would actually buy. I was going to give it to him for New Year's Eve, but that didn't happen. When we exchanged gifts, he got me drunk and we had a five hour long tickle fight. We made out a little. I didn't want to go any further because I didn't know what he felt. He hides his emotions now so well, I can't feel anything from him any more emotionally. I know he was probably disappointed. I've never shied away from him before, but we're not dating now and... Well, he implied that we were going to do something for New Year's Eve. He didn't call all week. I had a pretty good time on Christmas, so I left messages. Even a couple explicit ones and he still didn't call. I finally got a hold of him in the early evening on New Year's Eve. He'd completely forgotten about his implication to do something with me. He said he had to stop at a couple friends houses but he'd call me when he got home. He didn't call. So, I spent New Year's Eve in front of the tube with a bottle of wine and the phone next to me on the couch. Knowing him, his friends probably made him drink. He's told me about his female friends who take off their tops when they're drunk, so boobs were probably involved lowering his already questionable I.Q. a few more notches and making him forget about calling me. I was upset and he didn't even call to apologize the next day. He never calls, but he checks my myspace blog every so often, so I wrote a blog about how disappointed I was, without naming names or accusing him of anything of course. He still hasn't called. Knowing him, in February, he'll call wondering where I've been and why I haven't called for a while.
So tell me, can this relationship, or lack thereof be saved? Am I doing the right thing by not calling and making him take initiative? Should I just leave it where it is now, stop trying, and just drop him? If he does call, any advice?
This "friendship" is not worth much.
He treats you like dirt and you are accepting it. You deserve better treatment and should stop pursuing him. Drink and boobs is apparently a stronger draw than you are.
If nothing has happened after this long, it is unlikely to happen now.
Get a new boyfriend.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com