I was a jerk, pushed my ex away, but realized I do want her in my life
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I have a girl in my life that I forced to become my ex girlfriend over a year ago. I was a total mean jerk to her. Why, I don't know. She did some things to me that deserved me being angry at her, but nothing like the way I treated her. They were certainly forgivable offenses. Anyway, we still talk, and we're still rather friendly with each other. Everything except the lover talk, hugging and kissing. I've spilled my guts to her in complete honesty. Telling her that I realize I was a complete mean jerk, and that I'm very sorry for the pain I have caused her. I've told her a half dozen times that I really want another chance to right things if she could find the compassion. She refuses to give me a straight up answer about this. All she can ever muster is "I don't know what I want". Leaving me in limbo. I really want this woman in my life, but I'm also willing to move on if that's what she wants. But I don't want to move on with this glimmer of hope still in my heart that things can be worked out between us. My most recent questions to her have been asking for this closure. I most recently told her, "look, I realize I've made a huge mess of things between us, and I'm very sorry. If I have done too much damage to be repaired, I need you to tell me. Please. So you and I both can have closure on this and move on. I've stuck a knife in my own back where I can't reach it, and I'm begging you to pull it out before you turn and walk away. You don't have to be mean about it. Just simply say, you've caused me to much grief to be overcome. I'm sorry." She refuses to give me a straight answer here as well. All she can say is she doesn't know what she wants.
How can I coax her into giving me another chance, or giving me this closure I feel that I so desperately need?
So far all you have shown her is talk... which is a good way to start.
But you need to show her you are actively working to change and become a better person. My advice is to take the time and money to go to a professional counselor to help you with this problem. Going to a counselor is not something to be ashamed about... it is like going to a very best friend who has been trained in helping people solve life's problems.
There must be something your ex is waiting for because she keeps waffling. Maybe this is what might change her mind. Or perhaps the counselor can help you figure out what to do to change her mind.
Truth be told, it seems to me that your ex is trying to hurt you by keeping you dangling. The counselor could discuss that possibility with you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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Give her space