Youth Leader Part 2

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Female
u have already gave me advice but i still dont know about it.
i love this guy named matt hes my youth leader and i know u said that everyone falls in love in their early teens but its so hard. why is it so hard, and why do i have to fall in love with a 21 year old with a girlfriend. Also what do i do should i tell him that i love him or not, a nd if so how do i tell him that i love him its so hard doing that. so please help me with all of my questions becuase i dont want to stay depressed. Advice
My initial advice was here -

You ask why it's hard to deal with young love. It's hard because you haven't had to *deal* with romantic love up until now. Everything is hard when you first try it! That's the whole reason nature sets up situations like these. You have to learn how to deal with your feelings and emotions. Usually the first people you fall in love are "distant and non-real" - i.e. bands, teachers, pastors, other people. There isn't any REAL threat of you guys running off and getting married. It is "safe" in that respect. This guy isn't going to start doing scary things to you that you don't want to do. This is a way for you to get the FEELINGS under control without risking your physical body. It's one step at a time.

That's why you tend to fall in love with someone much older, someone that has a girlfriend or a wife, someone that you can love passionately and fully but that is still in many ways "safe". It is very normal, very natural. Yes, it feels incredibly powerful! And you, as a young woman, have to learn how to deal with that feeling. Because hopefully you will in the next few years find other guys who you love, and you will need to understand how to deal with those feelings then, too.

It is very common for people who care about each other to tell them they love them. Most best friends love each other of course! They care about each other deeply. Love does not mean anything bad. Love means you care about someone. So if you wish to tell him you care about him, if it would make the love seem more bearable if he knew about it, then certainly tell him. I'm sure he will feel honored that you care so much about him. Sure, he has a girlfriend. But mothers can have 2 kids and still love both of them. Love is not a one-way-only kind of thing. Every one of us has a heart quite capable of loving multiple people - and each of us can be loved by multiple people. You love both of your parents, right? And they both love you? So caring for your pastor is fine.

Don't be depressed about this. There's nothing to be depressed about. Be happy that you have a great guy in your life, and be happy that you're learning about love. Love is a wonderful thing in life :) If you are depressed that he can't be YOURS, then you really need to think about that. Because love is NOT about possession ... it is NEVER about owning. You should be able to love a deer in the forest without needing to take it home and chain it in your garage.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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