Military relationship needs help!

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I am currently deployed in Iraq. and have been gone from home for the past six months. I love my wife very much, but for some reason I get jealous over the dumbest things. Her hanging out with guy friends, her not picking up her phone. etc.. She has two kids from a previous marriage and that marriage was abusive both mentally and physically for her. She is the kind of girl that needs alot of space and needs to have her own life and be able to do what she wants. Being so far away our relationship is basically a phone relationship. When we are together I think it's great, but when we are apart I get jealous over everything. She has alot of guy friends and hangs out with them constantly. One in particualar is great with the kids and she descibes him as a great guy and one of her dearest frineds but told me it's strictly platonic. I fear this man could take my place. She spends alot of time with him and I get so jealous over it. I find myself calling her everyday and worrying about what she is doing all the time. recently I must have called her a hundred times in a day. She didn't answer any of them, and when I did get a hold of her she said she was afraid to answer because I was calling so much and called me phycho. When she left the store she had 14 missed calls from me, she asked me why whould she want to talk to me after that. She told me I'm smuthering her. We've been talking this through but I'm afraid I lost her. She's the love of my life and I would do anything to save this relationship. But all I can do is call and talk I can't be there to hold and look into her eyes, I won't be able to return home for another 3 months and by then theres a chance that she will be deployed. What can I say to save my marriage. I don't want to be a jealous husband anymore and I don't want to scare her. How can I overcome this jelousy I have and how can I save my marriage? Advice
Overcoming jealousy is a very difficult thing to do.

You have to fight it like it was an enemy (which it is). Whenever you feel jealous, tell the jealousy to go away and stop bothering you. After a hundred times or so the feelings will drop away.

Admit to your wife that you let your feelings take over and promise you will try to never let it happen again (the multiple phone calls, that is.) Tell her you love her and the kids and that you can't wait to see them again. You only have three months to wait and maybe she won't get deployed.

If you think it will help, contact the nearest psychologist who can give you advice.

I remember how painful it was to be separated from my wife when I was in the military and send you all my good wishes.

Happy Holidays! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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