Talking About Dreams
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I was reading your advice on things to talk about with my partner. I am not sure if anyone else has had this problem... but i cannot get my partner to give me a serious answer eg:
I asked her what she would do if she had $1 million.
She replied: Go to a beach in hawaii and wear the rest of the money as a thong to go swimming in.
Another one i asked her "Whats the one thing you would bring on an island with you?"
She replied: A car door, so I can put the window down when it gets too hot.
I admire her sense of humor alot, but... when i am trying to be serious, it makes me feel like i am getting nowhere.
So i turned to thinking of what to do myself. One night, i described to her my feelings towards her, and asked her what her feelings are. Ever since i started this, we have become more and more involved in our relationship. We talk about wot we are feeling, and our dreams alot, we love it. It makes us more and more close each time.
I had a boyfriend exactly like her. Any time I tried to talk about something serious, he would start joking. He was afraid of serious talks, was afraid of any sort of conflict or potential for conflict, so he would start joking. It pretty much made a real discussion impossible, because any time we started talking about a serious topic he'd start joking and change the subject.
You definitely hit on one solution, to open yourself up first so that she saw it was "safe" and that you were in it together, and that she could therefore open up too. And any sorts of ways that you can keep talking and talk seriously is very important to a relationship, because it's that honesty and trust that keeps the relationship going. And the more you talk, the easier it gets so that hopefully going forward you don't have the same trouble talking.
The real key is to make talks *non-scary*. That talking to your partner and revealing yourself isn't a scary thing ... it's a NORMAL thing.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com