So soon?

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been involved with a man for the past 7 months and I am feeling so confused about our "relationship". When we first started to go out in February, we spent a lot of time together both on the phone and in person. After 3 months, we consummated our relationship and everything felt great. He's been studying for his CPA since before we'd even met and still has some exams outstanding. In May, he told me that he will be taking his exams in August and would be devoting some time to studying. We still hung out and went on dates but our contact time during the week became limited. August came and went...he didn't do his exams because he didn't feel prepared. Then he said he'd do them in October. Again, he didn't do them because he didn't feel prepared. Then, he said November. You can guess what has happened. He says it will have to be next year because he's got a deadline to meet for work. We work at the same office, but in different departments. We see each other at work everyday, but only on a professional level. I feel neglected by him...and even our phone conversations are petty and short nowadays. When I go over to his house, he watches TV and we hardly talk. Sex is ok...but not regular. Just a few months ago, he'd maul me everytime I went over to his place. It's been only 7 months of dating and I can't help but wonder if I'm making a big deal out of nothing. I've been reading many books about relationships, trying to get some self-help. I'm even going to counselling next week to get professional help with my life and how I tend to percieve things. I would like this relationship to work but given that there seems to be boredom after such a short time, I'm just not sure. When we first started being friends, he had told me that in his previous relationship (which lasted 5 years) he felt trapped because he was not the one to pursue the relationship. He also said that because of this, they had many issues and he became distanced from her. During that time, he had a sexual relationship with a co-worker but when he told his ex, she forgave him. He ended the realtionship with his ex in 2005. I wonder sometimes if he would do the same to me...although he has said many times before that he is happy that he was the one to pursue this relationship because he has always wanted to be able to choose to be with the woman he wants. I've had only 2 relationships in my life (I'm 27). The first was for 4 months...the guy fell in love with a female co-worker and they are now married, and in the second, we dated for 2 1/2 years and he cheated on me twice, and eventually we broke up in 2004 so he could be with the other girl (they have since broken up). I feel as if I'm always getting left in the cold. Maybe I'm too much of a nice girl...or maybe I'm a pushover...or maybe I'm just stupid. Anyway, after 7 months, is it natural for a relationship to become so dull and lackluster? I know this question is long...but I'd really like to know what you think.

Thanks. Advice
Since your relationship is so blah right now, just imagine how it would be in a year.

At the risk of offending any accountants out there, you should not expect to have a "live wire" boyfriend. In fact, dull is sort of the norm.

Discuss this with your counsellor next week and get a well informed opinion of your situation. Face to face discussion works the best.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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