What Is Going On With Her?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
My gf broke up with me about a week ago because she had a very traumatic event happen to her at work (she was mole sted by one of her exs) and now fears guys. At the same time she fears guys she says she trusts me. How can she fear guys and yet trust me at the same time?
I talked to her about what happened and she said that she just wants to be friends for now but does want to get back together in the future (she hasn't said when). I saw her recently and she said she hasn't had any contact with guys because of what happened to her. She also mentioned that she wouldn't be able to have any imitate contact with guys for awhile.
When I saw her she pinched my ear twice and tried to get at it a third time and started smiling and laughing after she would do it. Also, she touched my shoulder with her finger (not in a hostile way or telling me to back away). Also, I put my knee next to her leg to see what would happen. What ended up happening was that she did move it away sometimes but more often than not I would be able to keep it there for a couple of minutes without any problems. She also let me touch her tattoo that she got recently on her shoulder after I asked her cause I didn't want to set her off.
She's also showing all the signs that she likes me. She sat down next to me and we were pretty close without invading each other's space. Before, she would've kept far away from me.
I'm trying to figure out what all these signals mean and I'm trying to figure out a way to prove to her that I'm not out to hurt her. I've tried to communicate to her my feelings but she always gets pissed off at me when I do it. I'm also trying to figure out when I'll know she wants to go back out with me and maybe some ways of knowing she's ready to be imitately touched again. She's also said that I can help her as a friend for now.
Can you help me figure out what's going on and how come I'm getting the let's be friends for now but I want to get back together with you vibe? How do I approach her without sending her into a relapse or pissing her off? What can I do to help? What can I do to help myself? Any help you can offer would be appreciated.
A week is too soon for her to get over a frightening event like that.
Be her friend. It seems like she needs someone to talk with and be close to that she can trust. And you are that one.
Don't worry about intimacy yet. That may take some time for her to be comfortable. Be her friend, share her pain. Ask her out "as a friend" to do things you used to enjoy.
You are being given a good opportunity to learn what good friends do for each other when times get tough.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com