To Stay In Touch Or To Not Stay In Touch.
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I'm a 25 year old while my current or ex BF (haven't got a clear answer from him yet) is in his late 30's, divorcee.
Last time we communicated was a week ago.
I called in to ask him to annull my offer to wrap up our 2 month old relationship and go our separate ways.We had had met the night before to discuss about what's been going on as before that night he had had gone to have "space" for 2weeks.
While talking, he said that he doesn't feel the same about me anymore.Telling me that he is out of love becoz of ideas of mine that does not suit with his.While i'm trying to explain myself.Topics such as having kids in the future and so on.i'm rather co-operative and i know i can accommodate what he doesn't want.We have had 2 major arguements in those two months and i view it as constructive times where we got to know each other better.But he has concluded that if there was 2 fights in just 2 months how would be the next 6 or more years together going to be like...
It was defintely a slap across the face for sure.
i can understand his point of view.i'm rather understanding and i'm sure he doesn't want another failed relationship nor a partner who will fail him.
I've confidence that i won't fit into that catagory.
But from the start i have been a chronic late-comer whenever we had to go out for dinners with him due to handling some impt issues at work. overly extroverted with his colleagues which he viewed as embarassing.i have improved myself which i think is impt to a relationship and i do understand it's for the good of both people.
We left to go home for the night and he ended it with something like i'm still not sure if i want to invest more time into this relationship.i need more time maybe another 2 weeks...
No kiss as usual we parted.i had a heavy heart.Couldn't stop thinking where i went wrong and how i can make everything smooth again.Thinking abt it overnight...
I was heartbroken and i idiotically texted him that i can see where he is coming from i don wish to burden u and myself with unnecessary stress and that i will collect my belongings from his place in the coming weeks.
He texted back with a relieve tone.Thanking me for it.
That was another slap i was hoping more for a let's not come to this so soon.Let's wait for another 2 weeks.
Cried all night of course.To him it was a mere 2 month old relationship and to be it was finding a soulmate.A soulmate who just always happened to be tensed and reserved and easily irritated around me.Mostly likely to do with high expectations i suppose.Not sure.
I couldn't sleep all night and texted him the morning next day that i would like to call coz i want to tell him something and that something was to disregard my stupid so-called break-up message.
He answered that he can't do that and even if he did it just made already existing things more complicated.I tried to reason with him.Justifying with my frustration of all that lack of loving and that uncompromising conversation nights before.
He said that it takes 2 to be in a relationship.it's been only 24hours snce we broke up you such give it more time so that you can get used to it.I tot to myself that was a mean thing to say to a ex-love one when they are crying on the other side of the phone.i said i will wait for you then to break this special thing between us as i know it's not going to be easy finding someone with same values,attitude and hobbies and i am in love with you.
He kept saying he is not in love with me and doesn't feel the same.Let's be friends and i don believe in keeping ex-partners for friends.
I told him that i will wait let it be 2weeks or 2months a stupid mistake to pro-offer but i made it.He obviously opted for the 2 months.He simply ended by saying don't be mad at me if i said these same things after 2months.
it's been a week from all that mess now.
i texted him mid-week asking abt wat's been going on and we ended up chatting abt a friend in common.
i'm sure that he would rather move on then to come back to me how can i prevent that? To reassure him that i will take him back if he returns withouts any holdbacks ? the advice you mostly see and hear from people and relationship books is not to contact the partner after the break-up so that they miss you but isn't it possible that it reflects to the other person that they had managed to get finally convince you out of it ?
i'm thinking abt initating a convo about how his week was and wat's he got planned up for his weekend ?
Is it too soon ?
Should i try to remain in contact or it's still the best advice that i should ignore him completely ?
This is a man i love the most and he did too at the very start of the relationship.He has changed a little and these changes in his attitudes according to him are new.He has never been as intense as he has been with me.Quick to anger and easily irritated and so on... Help us...
This things have drove us apart and i want to reverse this...
It's what you say... he sees it as a two month relationship and you see it as finding a soulmate.
He is probably overwhelmed by your attachment and not ready to be a soulmate. It is too early to ask him to rethink. A better approach, I think, is to ask him if you could call him once a week for 15 mins to find out how each other is doing without bringing up your relationship. Just a friendly chat. This will give him the space he needs and give you the contact you need. You should be the one watching the clock and closing the conversation.
This approach may also work to bring you closer and eventually reunited.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com