Visitor's Question from a 41-50 year old Female
I have been in a relationship with a man for 3 years. He had been divorced for a year when we started seeing each other. He had asked me to marry him and I said yes. His wife cheated on him quite often when they were together and she still is very active with many men. Up until about 3 months ago everything was great, we spent time together everyday and when we didnt we talked on the phone several times a day.He has 4 young children that he shares custody of and I love them as if they were my own and they love me. I know that both him and his ex have to communicate about the kids but, she calls or comes to his house several times a day, many times without the kids. I have been there a few times when she came over and all seemed innocent to me, but now im not sure. About 4 months ago he started to make excuses that he had to do this or that or he was tired and was staying home and didnt want my company, so I was understanding and gave him his space.Then he stops including me with anything he does with his kids, before we did everything together when he had them. Then out of the blue he tells me that he wantes to be (good) and he started going to church regularly, but he never asked me to go with him. He then advises me that being with me (sexualy) was a sin because we arent married, so my response was lets get married then, so it doesnt feel wrong. He then tells me he cant because when he married his ex he took a vow of 'till death do we part'. I have researched and I know god allows for divorce if one comments adultery and have even shown this to him in the bible. He refuses to accept it and tells me hes sorry but that just the way he feels. Then a friend of mine advises me that this man has been talking quite often to several woman where she works and even has been seeing one of them. He even had a couple of womens phone numbers on his phone I didnt reconize. I confront him with this and he tells me she is lying and that what he told me about his belief is the reason he cant see me, but he still loves me. He tells me the numbers were just women he talked to once in a while about his kids and deleted them.I tried so hard to believe this but I think I have been a fool. He calls me a couple times a week still and tells me he still loves me and we end up spending the night together. Im confused. If he wanted no sexual relationship because 'its wrong' why does he continue to call? I think Im being used for just sex but I love him and its hard to tell him no. Should I trust my gut instinct that he is lying and cheating on me? I cant take anymore. I feel totally depressed. Im hurt beyond words. Please tell me what you think, am I a fool and being used?
He may think he loves you but what good does that do you?
He sounds sincere about his religious beliefs which suggests he isn't cheating or lying. He sounds weak and he loves you and that is why he does what he does.
But it doesn't matter whether he is cheating or not because he is not giving you what you need, which is marriage or at least a dedicated relationship.
My advice is to get professional counseling to help you figure your way through this situation.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com