Need some reassurance..
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am 21 years old and my boyfriend and I have been together for a little over a year off and on. About 8 months into the relationship I found out that he had lied about almsot everything from his past. He had made up stories like he went to Iraq for a year, when the truth was that he was only in the Army for 6 months and then he left due to homesickness. He told me and everyone that he fought in Iraq and tons of other crazy stuff. That was the most outrageous one. He is very insecure and very unhappy about his life and the mistakes he has made. He is also very confused. I found out the truth and he promised he would never lie again about anything and since he really hasnt lied that i know of. He basically made up his entire past and for some stupid reason I beleived it, even though my entire family told me he was lying, I wanted to believe him, so I did. He was also previously engaged and she cheated on him when he was in the Army.
Anyway, we have had some pretty insane fights, but always seem to get back together. Half of me feels like it is not worth it, but then the other half loves him so much and doesn't want to be without him.
He is very jealous and always thinks that I am cheating on him, when I have never given him any reason to think that. I am outgoing and just usually a friendly person, b ut would never come close to cheating. Whenever we are apart and he is at his house and I am at mine, he always asks is I am alone or when he hears background noises he is always asking who that was. I dont know what to do. I want to help him and want to beleive that he can change and we can make it work, but I just don't know how to go about it. Whenever the fighting gets too much we always break up for a while, the longest we broke up for was last month for 2 months. I had hoped after that time that things may be different, but not really. He loves me to death and I am the only thing in his life right now that is good. What do I do??
RomanceClass.com Advice
There's not a lot you can do about a jealous partner.
Education is important. The real issue is trust and the fear that arises when trust is not present.
Try to get him to read the following webpage on trust and see if it helps:
http://www.coping.org/growth/trust.htm
You read it too and both of you can use it to help cut out the fighting.
Good luck! George -- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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