need urgent help on this crazy love triangle
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
HI, i met this guy when he came from philippines to work in indonesia. We both like each other at first but we knew there's a limitation because he has a 8-years long term relationship with his girl who lives in philippines also. Him and his gal dated since 15 years old. During their relationship, he had liked two gals and i'm the third one. the first one, he found out she's not mature enough. The second one, they almost dated while he still with his old gal but at the end, the new gal decided to back off. The third is me. weeks passed and we caught in a deeper feelings toward each other and finally, me and him made a final commitment when we were still in indonesia before i went back to the states, that we wont break up. neither one of us will call it off. We decided to continue the relationship and fight for what we have. He also had mentioned his atractiveness toward me to his gal in philippines infront of me. The gal was going crazy wanted to come to indonesia but he stopped her because he said, no use. He also told me that neither their parents talking bout their relationship .It's a 8 years relationship since they were 15 and none of either side from their parents talking about the next level of their relationship. Moreover, his mom keep telling him that he has to kinda meet other people because he still young and she wants him to go to the states. He is planning to come here and stay with me hopefully if everything works out, next year. the thing is, he is going back to philippines pretty soon and i've left him to go back to the states way before he plans to go back to philippines. I want to go to philippines this december on his b'day but he tells me to wait until he found the right time for me to go there because he said, he wants me to come when his time is completely for me. I dont want to loose him because i love him so much. he doesnt want me to go away either because he loves me. He would stay up until 4am just to talk with me on the phone and listen to my problems. I appreciate him to be open with me and his gal about this love triangle. But what concerns me more is i dont want his feelings change toward me because we wont see each other for another 4/5 months. he is in the philippines and im in the states, while he has his gal with him but he doesnt want to break up with me either. He encourage me to be stronger each day and not to doubt him. we've been dating for 3 months now. When i asked him why he likes me. he said that i'm different from either his gals or those two gals that he had met long time ago. He said, he is very comfortable around me. He also said, his gal will do anything for him and she's dependable. BUt when he talks about me, he said that i will give anything but more, to him than anybody else and i'm wonderful. Thats why he doesnt want me to go away from his life. He wants me to keep fighting and dont give up. he also have given me every telephone numbers that he has in philippines, address, and email.
He also said that he's gonna tell his mom about our relationship and he is pretty sure that she will support him to be with me because i'm in the states and his mom wants him to go to the states. in fact, she also the one who helped him get interview by one of the USA company couple months ago in philippines. This October, my bf will take the first test as a requirement to get a working visa, so he can work here in the states.
My questions are:
1. Is there a problem in their relationship because he had been liking 3 different gals while he's with his old gal.
2.what should i do in this type of situation? i dont want to wait that long until he make a decision whether her or me.
3. how big is the chance for me to be chosen by him?
4. I want to go to philippines on his b'day this december. should i surpirise him then?
5. IS he taking advantage on me? or does he really love me?
6. What should i do to make him sure to choose me but not by giving him pressure?
7. how should i behave toward him while i know he is in the philippines and could see his gal anytime and im jealous about that. i dont want to ruin everything we've built bcause of my jealousy.
8. Should i worry or trust him?
9. whats the best way for me to start a relationship with his family, specially his mom in appropriate way? should i ask a permission to him before i start making a connection with his mom?
Before answering your questions I should remind you that we only allow one question each week. You have asked 9 questions. Here are my answers but they will be brief.
1. He is not strongly attached to his g/f.
2. If he comes to the US then you must tell him to make up his mind.
3. I don't what the chances are that he will choose you.
4. Better to follow his advice and wait until he can spend all his time with you.
5. Is he taking advantage of you? I don't think so. He clearly isn't attached to his g/f and is planning on moving to the US to be with you.
6. Tell him much you enjoy looking to the future when you two will be one and can live a happy live together. He will understand.
7. You are going to have to swallow your jealousy. It will do no good for you.
8. You should trust him. That is a very important part of love.
9. Yes ask him if it is ok for you to contact his mom. When you contact her tell her that you love him and want him to live in the US with you.
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com