Breaking up after something she thinks I am...
Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
I met a girl near the end of my 8th grade year who seemed like everything I wanted. She was funny, smart ( which she claims against :P ), and compassionate. When we finally came around to telling each other how we'd felt, summer was close approaching and she would be going to a new school come 9th grade and high school. But we'd felt so strongly for each other that we were going to give it a go during the summer.
Things went well until around 3 weeks ago when she was going out of town for the weekend. Being 14 years old and living 4 miles or so away from her, we don't get to see each other every day, but maybe once a week. But her going for the weekend meant we wouldn't have our once-a-week deal. But I figured after a bit of moping I'd deal with it.
The weekend passed and we talked the following Monday. She didn't talk like she usually did, though. She seemed kind of bummed. The next day, she broke up with me because suddenly she "can't handle a long distance relationship". I took this pretty hard and took the week to think and stuff, yet I still called her and we'd still talked. She acted (and still does) like she's going to weasel her way out of this!
Just a couple days ago today, I called her and we talked about us a bit. She now claims that I'm too "clingy" because I apparently put her on a guilt trip when I told her how mch I'd miss her when she was going for the weekend. She says I've done that a lot lately, but I don't understand.
Clingy isn't my nature, I don't like being clingy to people and I don't like when they are to me, and I explained that to her that if we were together again I'd reflect on my past mistakes. She said it wouldn't bring us back together, because that would mean I'd be changing myself. But that's not how I wanna be either way. She doesn't understand how deeply I care for her.
I'm wondering if an early teen love is worth it. Should I play the hard-to-get game and see if she comes back after a while? Or should I get her to come over to my house so we can have a real eye-to-eye talk together and tell her that 'if we were happy before, imagine how happy we'd be now if things change between us?'
My advice is to let her go.
Long distance romances are very, very difficult to maintain, especially at your age. There are too many distractions when you are apart. You should spend your early years enjoying life and not tying yourself down to someone far away.
And, who knows, if you break it off with her she may come running back and then who knows what might develop. Love is complicated.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com