What can I do to help my insecurities with him ?
Visitor's Question from a 16-20 year old Female
So tonight was a sweet 16 party and my boyfriend and myself were invited to go. When we got there, everything was fine - I was hanging out with his sister. Then, this girl comes in that he happened to tell me (b/c I asked) if he would date her if he wasn't with me . He said possibly .. she is nothing like me and she isn't a person I would ever be intimidated of - but now I am . So, she pops in and she makes this big deal about seeing him and I just felt really .. awkward about it, but I tried not to let it bother me.
Later on, we were on the dance floor and I am very self conscious about dancing . Im moving along and what not and my b/f is just being a complete idiot and it just seemed like he wanted all this attention put on him . We have been together for a year and 2 months and it was always just "US" so when he is around his friends/other people, I feel as if I don't matter as much. =[ I know that isn't the case deep down, but I can.'t seem to get that across to myself .. Turns out, when he IS around them - I don't wanna be around HIM .. So I was kind of avoiding him . He asked me what was wrong and I just couldn't explain it. What was I going to say ? You weren't paying enough attention to me ? I dont want things to be like that .. I just want to change - I was glad he was having a good tiem, but I wanted to be part of it also .. and I just felt like I wasn't good enough at that time and then when he saw me kinda shying away THEN that's when he became himself again .. I don't want to feel like this about him so how can I just loosen up and allow myself to have fun ? Because tonight - I had a MISERABLE time . I totally ruined it for myself. How do I let myself have fun ?
Sorry if that was too long, I tried to keep it as short as I could =/. Thanks
The length of your email was fine.
You have the right idea about wanting him to enjoy himself when he is out with you and other people.
Perhaps part of the problem is that you might prefer not being the center of attention and he likes to be. He does this by acting out and you feel doubly troubled because he is drawing attention to you and because he is not paying attention to you.
So you should try to be more accepting of public attention and at the same time pay more attention to him than usual and he will react the same.
It may be more complex than this but at least it's something to try.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com