I have cheated...Can we/I get through this
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I first cheated when we first started dating. We were in a Long Distance relationship but we were commited as boyfriend/girlfriend. I cheated on him with two different people but never told him. Fast forward 2 and a half years later we have a child together we live together but things were really bad in our relationship I was lonely depressed thought that I wasnt good for anything. Then a man much older than me and my boss manipulated me and I cheated again. At first I told him but made it out that I was solely taken advantage of and I did nothing wrong. Then the guilt about everything started eating at me and I told him about the two other times in the past and that I wasnt completely an innocent party in this last one. Right now he says he is done for now. We need to go our seperate ways, he still loves me but he doesnt know if it is in love anymore, I need to work out my problems he needs to get on his feet again, and maybe in the future we will be together again but for now no.
My Questions are, If we did get past this could we be happy together again or did this ruin everything for good?
How do I stop feeling like I am such a horrible person?
Why did I do it when I do love him so much and always have?
How do I know if he does get back with me if it is just for our daughters sake or if he really wants to be with me?
Please offer some advice
Question 1: if the man is totally in love with the woman then there is little that you can't get past. But since he says he isn't in love with you then the odds are much lower that you will be happy again together.
Question 2: it's hard to defend cheating, but the first two times you were in a LDR relationship and that is tough to maintain; the most recent time you were lonely and depressed and needed some comfort. Again, cheating was not the best choice-- a marriage counselor would have been better.
Question 3: why you did it is something a professional counselor could help you with.
Question 4: if you can develop a trusting honest relationship with him you can find out from him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com