Is a lack of experience and skill not coming through?

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Male
I am a 38 year old man. I have taken steps to improve myself in the past year. I have never had a long term relationship with a girl, women or whatever. I've had sex only a couple of times and it was way too long ago. So I'm the 40 year old born again virgin with no skills and I'm scared I'm finished. I've avoided dated for years because I figure I couldn't attract anyone that I find attractive and have avoided most social places to meet women. I've always been pretty insecure and I'm slowly getting over it. I seem to get some attention from attractive women in terms of eye contact, gazes and what not. Even people I attend grad school with mention or hint that I'm handsome ( much older married women who are not afraid to dispense a compliment).
I have read books on what to do and what to say. I'm on on line discussion groups to share experiences. I'm working on breaking out of my comfort zone. The other day a woman came up to me made an excuse to flirt and we struck up a nice conversation she asked me if I was single. She gave me her number, I called a couple of days later and she would not take my call, she was nasty and hung up abruptly.One dating book said someone like me is a red flag,in my thrities and not much experience. So,after feeling good about some of the chances I've taken, I'm knocked down again and feel there's now way out of this hole, that maybe I ooze this I'm a social loser thing and I don't even realize it. I feel like that if a woman does approach and I find her attractive I cannot even present myself as a potential mate for this person. So what should I do? Do I have to get over being picky and start dating any woman who shows an outstanding interest in me, even if I don't find them attractive? Will boost my worth? All this dating info is overwhelming. Advice
No, you shouldn't go out with women that don't attract you.

On the other hand, if you have a basic "look" that attracts you, you might consider dating women who fit the look but who don't immediately attract you. Once you get to know them better you may find them more attractive.

Given all the efforts online you have made, you have all the basics in your brain, but getting them into action is probably slower than you want.

Don't get downhearted about the crabby woman on the phone... who knows what was bugging her. Keep your eyes open for more opportunities and put yourself in places where such interactions might take place.

Remember that over 1/2 of all marriages end in divorce, so there are a lot of divorced women out there, many of them looking for a new mate.

Rome wasn't built in a day so keep trying.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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