Jealous and Envious
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I sent a question before and you told me to clarify. I met someone on a online multplayer game on the internet. We have known eachother for 6 months, never actually met. In the game we trusted eachother to discuss our lives and we got married in the game. My problem is i feel neglected and would like more time with her, and i am feeling jealous that shes spending most of her time with another man in the game lately. She says they barely talk its just on a professional level and she loves me. She plays this game only for a few hours when she gets home from work and all day on the weekends. My problem is i want her to get what she wants which is leveling up her character in the game, however i need time with her, as well as i dislike seeing her with this one other person.
I talked to her about it and she tells me he is nothing to her just someone to be used and that she knows where home is. I try to bare some days that she is with him and its because she spends the majority of her time to get these character levels. She said it does not need to be with him, could be anyone, so i tried ways to help ease my mind and not stop her from her goals. However she still spends most of her leveling time with this one person. I also asked her to reduce her time with this other man, character leveling in game and to diversify to make me feel more secure but she will not agree to seeing him any less. I tried asking to listen in on her conversations while i say or do nothing to interfere, and she denies that to me also. I do feel more jealous and more suspicous when she denies that and feel my feelings arent being considered. She is very defensive and think im trying to control her, but that is not what i want.
I try to ask her to spend more time with me and try to stray away from the subject when i can, but her time with the other person has not changed. When she gets into this leveling feeling, she does so with alot of concentration and tells me not to talk to her while shes doing so. So i have to wait for her for long hours while wanting to see her, and i have to wait knowing the majority of her character leveling time she will be with this one paticular person that i dislike. She tells me that for her goals it will take a few months, and i will possibly see her less, and probably she may be with this other person for that time. She also says it does not have to be him but she wont even dodge him once.
I don't know how to go about this, i don't want to lose her and upset her but if i don't atleast say something, she will stay happy and ill be the one miserable all the time. I admit i am jealous of the other man but i do try to restrain myself and wish her luck to achieve her goals some days. However i get more and more uncomfortable when she ends up spending more and more time with him and less time with me. Yes inside this game, even though its not real life, i feel that even though i havent seen her it shouldnt stop us from being close and we are. My feeling is if this is just a professional character leveling thing in which this one guy is not needed, why will she not do anything on her part to help me get through this. Atleast say no to him sometimes or just have less contact with him anything would help.
So please im asking for your advice, i really don't know what to say or do, and the road we are on is very bumpy. I do not want to lose my friend, the person i care about and love, but i can't just sit there and watch as she goes off with this other man in game so often. What should i do? How should i handle this situation?
It's probably time to recognize that you are the odd man out.
She has found someone else has attracted her more (despite what she says about it not meaning anything... obviously it does mean a lot).
You don't even know this girl and you are upset about not interacting with her enough. Find someone new and get your life back on track. Tell her your plans and see how she reacts.
Sorry this hasn't worked out the way you wanted, but something better is probably waiting for you around the corner.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com