Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male
I'm 26 and just broke up with my g/f of two years. I've been with many girls, but this was my FIRST relationship. All of the others were one-night stands or flings. I never even had a g/f in High School. I guess you could say I wasn't that popular and girls didn't think I was good looking. I joined the Navy after High School and things changed. I was able to get girls and my self esteem got better. At first I thought that she was the one. We dated and then we moved in together after about 1 year. One problem I have is I don't think before I speak and being my first relationship I did a lot of things wrong. She stayed with me through it all and this girl knows me be better then anyone. She accepted me for who I am, loves me unconditionally and would do anything for me. But for some reason I can't do the same. I'm getting ready to transfer with the Navy again, and she was going to move away with me. I feel because this is my first relationship and I don't have anything to compare this expierience with, that I'm not 100% sure that she is the one. Also after time, I've lost a little bit of attraction. I still look at some pictures and say wow, but on the everyday basis I'm sometimes not attracted. Also my self esteem is still not the greatest because I care too much about what my friends and family think. The lasck of attraction didn't affect our sex lives, but I did start to look at other women a little more and wonder if there is someone else out there that has all her qualities plus better looks. I know I'm shallow but I don't know what to do. All of these thoughts about this being my first g/f, is there anyone else out there, and looks got to me. We are taking a break and she moved out yesterday. 1/2 of me thinks I'm doing the right thing taking some time for myself, and I'm going on vacation with some friends next month. But the other 1/2 thinks I'm going to lose the one and I'm making a huge mistake. Can you make sense of this for me, am I just crazy, shallow, and stupid? Advice
You are having the usual doubts of a person who has only had one relationship.

Since you have already called a break, take advantage of the situation to meet other girls and see what develops. After seeing a number of women you may ultimately find that the first one was the right one. But you won't know that unless you try.

By doing this you are taking a risk, but you will never find out if you don't try.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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