We love each other, but should I take the chance?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My bf moved a big city in another state a month ago to get a better job and start a new life. I'm getting my bachelor's degree a thousand miles away. We were (and still are) very much in love, and we usually talk every day, either in e-mails or phone calls. I wanted to try a long-distance relationship, so we gave it a shot, but after just a few weeks he said he couldn't handle it. He felt like it hurt more than just splitting up for a few years would, and he thinks that if we were in an LDR, we might have resentment towards each other in the end. So for the time being we are not together, although as I said he still loves me and we still talk--essentially we are very close friends. Here comes the question bit...I have the financial and mental resources to transfer to a different school, and there would be a lot of opportunities for me in his city. He has asked me not to move just for him, as he thinks that would be unfair to me--I should do what's best for me, not what's best for him. However, the list of reasons why a life in the city would be better for me is a very long one. My fear is that if I move, he will feel like I did for him no matter what my intentions really were, and I will admit to hoping that if I moved we might get back together. Should I do the practical thing and finish out my degree, all the while wishing I was somewhere else with the man I love, or should I take a leap of faith and move a thousand miles away from my family? Thanks for your help!
If I were you, I would move to be with him.
You would have to make it clear up front that you were doing it for him. He needs to accept that and understand it. Otherwise he might use it later on in your relationship.
Be sure that his job there is secure and he won't be subject to a move in job location. Otherwise you may find yourself in the same situation again.
If he says you should do what's best for you... tell him you are... moving close to him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com