Obtaining Closure

Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
The only advice I can give your readers is “No matter what ALWAYS be honest with your partner and yourself”.

Recently, I just ended my domestic-partner relationship. I found out, by other means, that my live in girlfriend was having an affair with a co-worker. The kicker, I asked my girlfriend. She denied, oh boy did she deny. What is killing me is that I knew otherwise, but for some reason internally I wanted to give her plenty of time to come clean, which, well… she never really did.

I did not end the relationship because of the cheating… I was willing to work through infidelity. I ended it because of the lies, the deception, the disrespect. I lost trust in her. I lost faith in her. I don’t know if I will ever trust her again. That realization hurts….. I loved someone so deeply. I was faithful, honest, giving, and supportive (emotionally and financially) for 7 years. Now I have come to the realization… I was not loved, because I really think that if she truly loved me, she would have been honest with me. Like I said, this was recent... I am hurting… I am trying to take ownership of the hurt so I can get past it…

I would like to sit down at some point and talk honestly about what went on in our relationship. I have requested that we do this, but she has yet to respond. I want to talk about the things that were special in our relationship and things that challenged our relationship. I don’t want to fight. I don’t want to blame. I want to open and honestly talk about it. I think putting closure to the relationship will enable us to go forward without the past affecting our futures. But I am preparing myself that she will not have this conversation with me as she has a history of cheating and not providing/getting closure from past relationships. After much reflection through thoughts and writing, my relationship with her, well the ending, mirrors that of all her past relationships… she cheats, she lies, she disrespect, she deceives. I guess I should have known better, but my heart fell hard for her.… maybe accepting this knowledge will be the only closure I receive. Shameful, because I feel I deserve more than that… but again… I don’t’ know what she will do, I can only anticipate her reaction based on her past actions.

Ok, so maybe throwing her out of the house and putting her things in the carport was not the brightest idea… but hey… at least I did not put them on the curb. I just wanted her out of my home, my home that is supposed to be my safety net, as quickly as possible. So, what is the best way I can place closure to this complete nightmare if she is unwilling to talk about things?

Thanks for any guidance….

Completely Heartbroken

RomanceClass.com Advice
You seem to be a bright, eyes-open type of person.

As you said, if she won't talk about things then getting closure with her is not going to happen. You will have to seek it, as you have been doing, through your own thoughts.

Maybe if you asked her over to a nice home-cooked meal she might come and be willing to talk. But with her past performance and having just gotten kicked out of the house, there isn't a lot of hope of that.

Oh, here's an idea, probably stupid-- if she is tight on money, you could offer to pay her to talk about what happened. Crazy, but might work.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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