A Screaming Match Broke us Up
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
My boyfriend broke up with me recently because I screamed, cursed, embarrassed & humiliated him in front of a bunch of people while we were fighting. I've never done anything like this to him before. Our relationship was great before this happened. We even had plans of moving in together.
Since he has broken up with me, I have sent numerous letters, cards, roses, balloons, gifts and even sent letters of apology to his parents and to the place where this fight took place. Everyone keeps telling me that I've done all I can and now I should back off and let him think about things and, if our relationship was as strong as I believed it to be, things would eventually work out "absense makes the heart grow fonder" and "if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be".
I'm afraid that if I don't keep making a presence and show him the effort I'm putting forth to prove that I'm sorry & love him, he'll just forget about me "out of sight, out of mind". Should I back off or keep proving myself???
On one hand, everybody makes mistakes once in a while and part of a relationship is to accept that and move on. On the other hand, if you were actually able to scream and yell at him like that - regardless of whether there was an audience or not - something was SERIOUSLY wrong with your relationship in the first place. A relationship is never, ever about screaming at each other! It should be about two people who care for and respect each other. If you lose control so much that you are screaming at the person who should be your *partner* in life, it's a symptom of a gigantic problem.
So yes, you can be very sorry about it all, and he can consider if he wants to work on it. But you can't just focus on this one incident as "the bad glitch in a perfect life". You really need to address what is the ROOT of the issue, which is far deeper. I might even suggest to him that you're willing to go to therapy with him to find out how to address that real issue. He might find that much more consoling than balloons about the one incident. He doesn't want *gifts*. He wants a *happy relationship*.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com