Fairly obvious indicators of chemistry/attraction, but with a boyfriend in the way

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male

I am 22 and have just graduated from college. I went to a business meeting and met someone of my age there who seemed delighted by my personality.

There seemed to be at this meeting some clear indicatives of attraction. She made constant eye contact with me from across the room, (with a smile that welcomed it, as opposed to being freaked out by it) and when I caught her alone after the meeting she said she found it fascinating that I was part philosophy major and said she found me very funny. I managed to get her number right away upon leaving. However, she said "not to be awkward, but I have a boyfriend. But I'd love to show you around Philadelphia." Two days later, I called her and set up a date.

Now, normally this would mean, even with all the eye contact and excited admiration, that she just wanted to be "friends", and I misread things. But things got a bit more complicated

Originally, she planned to have us meet up with one of her friends. However, when the time came to actually have our date, we never did, and as she showed me around the city, the conversation seemed to have more of a "date-esque" quality to it than a "friendly hang-out" quality. We talked about our common interests, but also about personal qualities, upbringing, and personal philosophy, in a fashion that just seemed to be more than getting to know a friend--our rapport seemed to be one of getting to know someone you are romantically attracted to. (Of course, I let her talk the most and didn't tell her EVERYTHING--that's a sure-fire way to end up in the 'friend-zone,' which, to be honest, I wouldn't mind being in, but would most rather be in the romantic one)

Also, the Philadelphia night made it veeerrry romantic. Finally, at the end of the date, we stood across from each other, I said, "This was very fun," she looked at me with a sort of delighted smile and said "Yeah, I've never really met someone from the Midwest before." (I then made her laugh with a joke about Minnesotan accents. there seemed to be a pause) She then said she'd be gone for the next two weeks with her family but when she got back SHE WOULD CALL ME. Not once did she mention her boyfriend.

I provide the incident in detail here because I find this to be an insanely tough call, more so than anything I've found on the website. The attraction seems to go beyond "friends hanging out," and the fact that she didn't mention her boyfriend, along with the pause (often an indicator of romantic feelings) and her saying that SHE would take the initiative and call me when she got back strengthens the case. This might be nullified by her desire to meet up with one of her friends, but it might be the case that she started out feeling that way (friendly tour of Philly) and then started feeling something else. (a romantic first date in Philly)

However, presuming anything could spell trouble and disappointment. I don't want to overstep the boundaries. I'd prefer to have a romantic relationship with her, but if she doesn't want one then I'd like to be her friend. The problem, of course, is finding out which one she wants, and proceeding accordingly. If she were single, I'd assume she wants to have the former type of relationship and wouldn't be asking. however, because she is not, I am stumped. The situation is similar to many described on this website, but not similar enough to give me an accurate answer, I think. I know it seems that it should just be my call, but I put stress on all the 'seems' caveats above.

Hope you can help, and sorry for the long-windedness--this one's a stumper that's got me analyzing everything to a fine point.

RomanceClass.com Advice
You mentioned no details about the boyfriend.

Is it possible that she has no boyfriend but just wanted to keep some distance when you first met? If you are sure she has a boyfriend then ignore the above.

But, in any case, you need to get the boyfriend issue up front. She certainly seems interested in you that she may be considering dropping her boyfriend. Without being too push, see what her feelings are about her b/f.

Meanwhile enjoy what you have, once she returns. Continue your friendship until she makes it something more. Be sure to let her know how much you like her. It never hurts to tell someone that over and over.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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