I don't want to hurt anymore
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I have been with my boyfriend/daughter's father for a total of about 2 years, though we started dating over 3 years ago. After being together for a few months, I lost my virginity to him and then soon after became pregnant. Around the same time I found out I was pregnant, he enrolled in college in another state. After a lot of thought, we decided it was best for him to go and get his degree so we could have a better life for our family (me, him, our daughter and his son). It seemed like it would work at first. He called all the time. I went to visit him whenever I could. I thought it was going to be o.k. After a few months, he stopped calling as much and wouldn't answer his phone when I called, for days at a time. When he would come home to visit, we would carry on like he never left. I was always suspicious of his faithfulness to me especially since he never answered his phone around me. I just shrugged it off as paranoia. To make a long story a little shorter, I found out on a few different occasions that while in college, he cheated on me at least twice. Not just one night stands, but dated one for a while and actually lived with the other one. When my daughter was around 3 months old, I had a conversation with the second girl he cheated on me with and decided that I had had enough. I couldn't stand the thought of what he had done, even though he'd cry, tell me he loved me more than anyone else, and wanted to spend his life with me. I broke up with him for about a year. Then about 7 months ago, after a year of him trying to change my mind, I gave in. I felt that I did love him and he loved me. We could give it another chance, since he promised and swore he'd never do it again. He wanted to raise his family with me and grow old with me. To this day I truly believe that he loves me, but everyday I wonder if that is enough. I think about the girl he lived with every single day. I think about how they were together for a year and a half, 6 months while we were together and a year while we were broken up. Throughout our relationship, we have always gotten along as friends. We have a lot of fun together, and love spending time with each other. The first half of our relationship we never fought because I was more reserved and easygoing. Now after everything we've been through, I speak my mind more and I am much stronger. We argue a lot now. A couple weeks ago, he didn't call me for 3 days. He said he went camping on short notice and couldn't call. However, I listened to his voicemail and his ex that he used to live with was on there saying for him to call when he got close (she lives where he went to college). He said that he "told" her he was going there just to shut her up and that he went camping. I don't know what to believe. I don't trust him. I don't know how to ever trust him again. I am to the point that I feel I love him, and he loves me, but that is not enough anymore. He is too controlling on top of it all. I hardly ever see my friends and he gets upset when I can't spend all my time with him. When I look at the bad things that we have been through, I know that I should move on. I hesitate when I look at him, and see how much he loves me, think about the good times we've had and how we could have a family together. I don't want to hurt him. No matter how much he's hurt me, I can't bear to see him hurt. So, move on, hurt him, and break up our family? Or, stay with him, hurt inside, and have a family??
You should talk to a professional counselor who can give you help in person.
You are trying to make a very important decision.
Remember if you stay with him and hurt inside that will become evident to your children and they will grow up with some problems. You need to be happy for a family to work.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com