He Wants to Marry Me
Visitor's Question from a 51-60 year old Female
I met this man from Australia , he says he has fallen for me and wants to marry me, right now I take care of my eldely mothers snd can't afford to go see him or he can't afford to come here to Montana. But all it seems he wants to write about most is sex in his emails, how do I tell if he really means what he says?
Wow, you are very wise to be cautious here! I know that feelings you build for each other on the internet can SEEM really powerful. But there is often a HUGE difference between the way someone acts when they are "in their own home area and have a fun girl far-off" and the way they act when they have to *move* and live with that person day in, day out, 24 hours a day. Yes, sometimes it works out wonderfully. But many times, the difference is so huge that the people cannot make it work at all. The only way to KNOW how you guys will be in real life is to SPEND a few months together in real life.
I would definitely NEVER get married to a guy I only knew on the net. I have been in several net relationships and they are always MUCH different in real life. I'm not saying they're always worse - but there is always a difference. And you have to decide for yourself if that difference is an OK one or a not OK one.
If this guy really loves you, then he should come out and visit with you for a few months without marrying you. It could be he thinks you're fun on line but won't want to deal with the work involved in a real life relationship. It could be he really misses Australia and can't be away from it. It could be he's just after the US citizenship. You never know. Yes, it costs money to fly from Australia to the US. But given how much weddings costs and families cost and everything else, that is a *drop in the bucket*. If he truly cares about you and your relationship, I think that asking him to save up that money and come out for a 'trial time together' is incredibly reasonable. If he can't even save up enough for a plane ticket, how is he going to help with the rent for an apartment, the money for a down payment for a house, or all the other bills that we normal adults have in life?
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com