My Jealousy is Destroying Our Life
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
I am extremely jealous person. I have been with my boyfriend for two years already. He is a police officer, very good looking and gets alot of attention from women. We have gone through so much and were still together. My jealousy has destroyed our relationship. I get jealous over anything. I always think his either talking to someone else or sleeping with them. He lives alone and he works alot of hours. He never has a permanent schedule so I really dont know his days off. He is 12yrs older than I am. He has been married and has a beautiful little girl. I get jealous of his ex wife because she gave him and has a part of something of him that i dont. I get mad when he doesnt call, when he doesnt ask me to sleep over. I feel that if i dont sleep at his house another girl will. I get really nervous, anxious and scared. I suffer so much because I know that this relationship will never work if i continue to be jealous but I cant help it. I feel like he cant just be satisfied with one woman.
He also doenst want to get married nor have kids and I do. Its really complicated situation. I do feel that he cares for me but I question him all the time. He has suffered and gone through alot of bad things. He sometimes doesnt like getting too close to people because he doesnt want to get hurt. I feel like he is the most wonderful person. He is my first love and i wish i could make things work but at times i dont understand him. I just dont understand how you can like someone and not see eye to eye or not want to be with them or call them all the time?
Is it me? He doesnt call often and sometimes when i do call he takes long to answer me and i get so upset i immediately think his with another woman.
There are two big issues here. The first of course is your jealousy which is most definitely destroying your relationship. Trust is the foundation of every relationship and you have none at all. You really need to take this VERY seriously because not only will it destroy this relationship, but every other one you get into. I have a set of pages on jealousy here -
but your level of jealousy is HUGE. I would really talk with a therapist at least for a few weeks to get a handle on it.
Secondly, and just as importantly, he doens't want kids or a wife. You want to be a wife with kids. That is one of the most serious disconnects a couple can have. He isn't going to "change" as much as you wish he would. And you are going to be miserable if you stay with him and "give up" something so critical to your life.
I would really get with a therapist about the jealousy issue, and take a break from your boyfriend while you do.
-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com