Why can't I believe that he loves me?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
I am really confused right now because I don't know how to make myself believe that he loves me. Its like, I can tell myself that but I can't understand it. We've been going out for 2 and a half years and he's been a great boyfriend. At first he was really loving and would complement me with stupid lines, like.... "You're smarter than most girls". And then on our second date, he dropped me off and told me loved me! I was like, "ok, i like you too!, bye" So anyway, he was going way too fast AND I wasn't quite over my ex-boyfriend. So then I cheated on him with my ex. I told my boyfriend and he took me back. Later, he told me why he was complementing all the time was because him and his best friend had gotten in the habit of doing that to people because it made them feel good. I couldn't believe it and was like, "so you're just saying those things and don't mean any of them". So he hasn't been complementing me for quite some time now although he will every once in a while. Now I kind of miss the things he used to say. Anyway, about a year ago I cheated on him again with my ex. My ex is the only other boyfriend I've had and he was my first love. I'm over him now and could definitely resist him if I saw him now. But he was just really hard to stop loving. So anyway, my boyfriend took me back again after a long long argument. I felt and still feel really guilty and I can never feel like I could make it up to him. Now that you know all our history, this is the problem: When he says he loves me, I can't believe him. I try so hard but I always feel like he doesn't really care about me. I feel like he's just lazy and doesn't want to break up with me but he's not really in love with me. I have a lot of passion for him but he seems to be bored when he's with me, sometimes. I know by now I should know how he feels about me and I've asked him but I just can't wrap my head around his words. He'll reassure me and tell me I'm the best girlfriend and he loves me SO much but I can't believe it. I feel insecure with him like he doesn't REALLY love me. I don't know what to do or why I feel that way.
You said he acted bored with you and you also said that you didn't trust his compliments.
Both of these would lead to your not believing him when he says he loves you.
Keep talking this over with him. Communications is a very important part of a good relationship. He needs to share his feelings with you more.
Be prepared for the worst though... he may actually be hiding his real feelings from you.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com