Leaving him is killing me but I have no choice
Visitor's Question from a 31-40 year old Female
My boyfriend and I have been together for 9 months. During these 9 months, we had lived together for 7 months and broke up for two weeks. The reason we broke up was he told me that he was tired of this relationship. So I moved out. I always went crazy but I did not call and did not write to him. A friend of mine talked to him for several times and passing messages for us. I know he missed me and cared about me and myself very much want to be with him. Finally, my friend arranged us sitting together. We got back. We go back to dating only seeing each other on weekends. We spend Friday night and Saturday for activies such as biking and swimming and cooking together on Sunday. Until last weekend, he acted so wired. He left on Saturday morning and told me that he needs to work on the program that he has been working on and he waste too much time with me during weekends. He could not achieve his goal. I called him at 10 and 11 am he did not return my calls. When I went to his apartment at 2pm. He was not there and my clothes, my shoes and our pictures were gone. He hinded them. For three days, I refused to answer his calls and refused to call him back. Finally, I confront him on the 4th day. He told me the "truth" under my pressure. He went out for lunch with his ex-girlfriend shince she is having interview in town. (She moved to LA a few months before we met). I don't understand why he cares about lie to me and go out with her for a lunch while telling me she was a bitch. He told me that she beated him all the time. I asked him if he loves and if you want to be with me. His answer is, yes, I love you but love is not enough. I feel more comfortable to talk to people at work but feel nothing to say to you. It seems we lack of chemstry click. He wanted to break up. He said I was pushing to get back with him two months ago. I was so shocked. He said it is a very difficult desicion for him to leave me because I am wonderful and caring. I am the sweetest girl that he has ever had and I am so much like his mother whom he loves the most. So we spent night together again. Yes, as you guessed, things are not going better. He is very cold to me now. He talked to me last night on the phone for half an hour about bike (like a friend) but emailed me he will work for the whole weekend. Basically he is not going to see me this weekend as we usually do (except last weekend).
I love him so much and bend over backwards. I tried everything I can to compromise. He got frastracted easily. He always say too little time with too much to do. He feels when we are together, he cannot do the things that he needs to do. Finally I talked to his mom, a friend to me. She told me that what he did to me are not acceptable. She also told me that he has been like this (very selfish) since he was a child. She does not want him to hurt me more. she want me to be firm and tell him either come to see me with a ring or never see me again. Should I do that? I am so confused and so hurt now. Please help!!!!!!
You don't want to marry a man like him so don't listen to his mom.
You two should see a professional counselor to get advice on how to have a good relationship together.
He is working too much and not giving you enough attention. Someone needs to tell him that. If he won't go to counseling and won't improve himself then you should consider leaving him.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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