My Crush is Chasing Me, but she Has a Boyfriend

Visitor's Question from a 13-15 year old Male
i wanted to know if you think i might have a chance with a close friend of mine. i've been friends with her for about 5 years now but we were never really close, until about 1 1/2-2 years ago and now we're really close and we hang out together 3 or more days a week.

she's had a boyfriend now for about 1year/3months but this past month thay have been fighting almost every Day. i think one reason for it is me. since me and her are close now when thay have problems she comes to me for support. but this past month she's been geting more affectionate always gives me a big hug and a kiss on the cheek when i see her even when her boyfriend is with her..but i havnt seen him around in a few weeks now and i think she is just coming over with out him knowing it maybe so she can be alone with me.

i've always had a crush on her but she and i where never this close before. what do you think i should do?? she moved to a new place two days ago and yesterday she really whanted to take me to her new house... just us two alone!! :) but i had to work..i really whant to be with her!!

she already has my heart but im to scared to try any afraid of losing her!! it would just kill me to see her walk out of my life 4 good!! but im just as afraid to pass up my chance at love and happyness with her!!!I would gladly spend the rest of my life loving her!! and ten more life times after that!!! what should i do?? i really need some help. should i just walk softly one step at a time??or should i follow her lead???HELP!!!! Advice
I really have to warn you that this is set up to be the classic rebound situation. She's upset with her boyfriend. She wants to prove to herself that she is "loved and wonderful" even though her boyfriend currently doesn't think so. So she is either thinking of cheating on him with you to "prove it" to him, or to leave him for you to "rub it in his face that someone else loves her, even if her ex doesn't". But after the smoke settles and the dust clears, you will be permanently associated in her mind with the old ex, and with her cheating and/or petulant behavior. So then she'll stop seeing you too, because you were part of that whole situation. You'll never have a fair chance to show her what you are really like.

Really, as hard as it might be, the best situation is to let her break up with her boyfriend ON HER OWN. Don't jump in and encourage it, and DEFINITELY don't get sucked into her revenge schemes. You do NOT want to be used as part of this. If you do, it'll really damage any chance you have to be with her. Let her break up, let her get through rebound. Be there, support her, but don't take advantage of the situation.

After a few weeks, when she gets herself settled and is really READY To date again, that's the time to start getting closer and closer to her. And at that point you'll have proven that you are dependable and really care for her, and you two will have a great chance at a really strong relationship.

-- from Jenn
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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