She is giving mixed signals, please help

Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Male

I have a girl problem that neither my guy friends nor myself can figure out. A few months ago a new receptionist started working for my company. She is a cute girl and a number of guys started hitting on her right off of the bat. I was not one of those guys, but she came back numerous times to my department and would flirt with me. This girl would ask me if I wanted her to go get me anything for lunch, ask what I liked to do for fun, laugh at everything I said, even if it was not funny, etc... Though I thought her to be cute, I was not all that interested in her. After about five weeks of this she finally came up and asked me when I was going to ask her out. I sort of dodged the question and went about my business.

A friend of mine at work took matters into his own hands. He came up and asked me if I wanted to go to a sports bar for Monday night football with a bunch of other coworkers. I agreed, and then he went unbeknownst to me and asked our new receptionist to go. Then he came and told me that he did this. Oddly enough, when it came time for us to head to the sports bar everyone cancelled except for me and the new receptionist. I suspected that my friend planned this, but did not want to leave her hanging so the two of us went together. Well, we hardly watched the game at all because we had such a great time.

After that night I found that I really liked her a lot. In the following days she kept telling me that she wanted me to come over to her place, and that she wanted to see mine too. A week later she went with a friend to her former companies Christmas party. She called me crying and said that her and her friend got into a fight. Later that night she called me again and said that her friend left her at the party. I went and picked her up and she invited me into her apartment. We snuggled on the couch for a while and then she kissed me. We made out for probably 20 minutes, second base type stuff, then I went to move towards third. At this point she told me that she has to be a good girl. Since I am not a rapist, I backed off. Before I went home I went to her bathroom and noticed tampon wrappers in the trashcan. That, I figured, explained why she did not want to go further. She invited me over the next two nights, but I did not make a move having seen the tampon wrappers the night before. We went out several more times for drinks and such in the following week.

Christmas came around and we got one another fairly expensive presents for having known each other only a short while. Before I gave her my gift I told her that I really like her a lot. I know that a lot of guys say this is a 'no no,' and will make girls run away, but it is how I felt. Everything seemed to be going well.

Shortly thereafter she ended up getting a new job that she was really exited about. I called her to see how her new job was going and she did not return my calls for several days. When she did finally call me back she told me that she hated her new job. She lasted a week at the new job and came back to my company. She did not even tell me that she was coming back and has been cold, though not unfriendly, to me ever since returning. We went out to lunch one work day her first week back. Upon returning to the company from lunch I gave her a hug and a kiss. She immediately scolded me and said that she does not want people in the company to think that we are dating, because we are not. This was news to me. I directly asked her if she was not interested in dating me, and she gave no reply either way. I have asked her to go out a few times on weekends, but each time she has an excuse. The other day we had to drive out together to take care of some company business in the wilderness. While out, she put forth her hand so that I could help her walk through places of unsure footing. Later, she got something on her pants and proceeded to change them right in front of me. I don't think that she would do that in front of just anyone. It seems that she feels pretty comfortable around me still. Even so, I seem to be getting nowhere. I cannot figure out what, if anything, I did wrong.

I would greatly apreciate some advice about how to get things rolling again. I have never liked a girl anywhere near this much in my life and I am 28. For your info. some of her interests are animals, motorcycles, tennis, and hiking.

Thanks Advice
For reasons unknown she has changed her mind about you.

To find those reasons you will need to ask her in a gentle, non-confrontational way if she can share those reasons with you.

It seems you have or can make some time alone with her to ask her.

This is probably the only way you can find out. Ask her by email if there is no other choice.

Good luck! George

-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at

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