Too confusing...what should i do?
Visitor's Question from a 21-30 year old Female
Oki now if u figure this one out...props 2 u...I met this guy back in april, i had my exams then, we spoke for a whole month b4 we went on our 1st date. 1st date comes and it was amazing we hit it off right away. We were already talking everyday for a whole month, even when he went on a business trip, and after the date we bcame inseperable. Summer came and he started tellin me he was gettin confused bcuz he felt it was getting too serious and he wanted 2 have fun, he told me i was marriage material, and wasnt sure whether we should take this 2 the next level, bf/gf serious, or keep it on dating...that made me confused cuz i wouldnt understand y if we're exclusive he wouldnt call me that...that started around our 3 months, i started giving him sum space but we were still together and callin and very jalous and possesive of one another. Then September came and he told me we should stop making out and focus on friendship...I was devastated...In the beginning I wanted 2 keep a strong front and pretend i didnt care, but after a while i gave in and cried and told him how much he meant to me and how much i didnt want it to end. he just told me he was confused so i told him that i couldnt talk to him no more cuz it was 2 hard on me and that i didnt need a friend but a bf yet he would always call me telling me he couldnt just stop talking to me, October came & i didnt c him the whole month, we had started fighting for no reasons but mostly because i was angry at him for not being there and for going out without making plans with me...we were always together and when one month came without seeing one another it killed me and i wouldnt get y he would get jalous when he would be going out without me and it was his decision. Then early november he came 2 visit me out of nowhere and we hanged out, it went good, we're like 2 kids we fight for stupidities but i love him to death, and although he never said i love u, he did tell me he cares deeply for me. He has commitment issues and he doesnt like 2 discuss his feelings...The whole month of november i played it low key and was a friend, and felt us getting closer until december came and i found out he had a gf now...it broke my heart...he told me that i was good to him and he cared about me and loved me as a person but thought we werent meant to be lovers anymore but friends...i lashed out at him cuz i was so hurt i stopped calling him and all but he called and called and said he cared and wanted me 2 b happy and would ask me a million questions if im with sum1 else or not...i saw him on new years eve but it killed me 2 know i wouldnt spend the night with him that he would b with her instead so it ended in a fight...i left for florida the next day, and he called me when i was there and apologised and said we need a fresh start...time passed i came back, and restarted talking to him, even ended up sleeping on the phone with him 1 night cuz i wanted 2 apologise 4 givin him the cold shoulder, and 2 nights later he showed up at my door wanting to go for a bite to eat...we didnt make out cuz i was 2 afraid of being rejected knowing he's coupled and he didnt try either, we just hugged...then we got into a stupid fight and we didnt speak for 2 weeks until i called him and we fixed it. When i called he asked again if i was with sum1 and if i was that i should make it work with him that there was no point being stuck on him or the past...right? (like asking me that as a question) and i would just say ya...i guess ur right...but in the end i got frustrated and told him he was pathetic and he said: i know so i hung up. I went to see him 2 days after at his work for 5 minutes, i fixed myself up and looked good, for those 5 minutes we hugged 3 times, the 2 last one he asked for, he kept asking me over and over if i had sum1 new and i told him noooo stop asking me that, he knew that i was helping throw a party on friday, so he asked me about that and if i was gonna b there with sum guy which again i said no too. we kept smiling in the car as if nada had happend and everything was good and then he left. wednesday he called me and it was good but wasnt 2 thrilled when i hadnt picked up right away, i told him i was upstairs making tea and he's like why?? who's over? and im like NO ONE!!! thursday i called him and it was good too, he asked me again if i was with sum1 or if i was gonna b there with sum1 or kissing another guy on the dance floor and again i said no!!! he told me he was gonna come on friday...with his friend. Friday comes we talked said we'll c each other there, i mentionned not having a ride and he offered me one, but then said ill have 2 ride in the backseat (this was on msn) when i answer him back y who's in the front seat, he tells me SOMEONE with a .) wink...I didnt know if he was teasing me or for real...but that night HE CAME WITH HER!!!!! He actually called me at midnight 2 know where I was and 2 know if it was possible for me 2 make him come in right away instead of doing the lineup...With his luck, my cell died...but I saw him quickly inside as a glance and walked away, ignored him the whole night 'cuz i ouldnt look at him, apparently my friends told me that while he was there with her he was checking me out, so i went downstairs in the club to avoid looking at them, 5 minutes later he was downstairs too with her while i was dancing on the speakers lol...i saw him quickly again! how can u miss, and after 2 minutes went back upstairs and made sure he was out of sight...After the club, he called me at 4am on cell and home and i didnt pick up, saturday he called again, at 9pm and 4am and didnt pick up, sunday i got 2 private calls (5pm and 1 am) im sure it was him, monday he called again at 11pm i didnt pick up txt me : r u afraid 2 answer ur phone or sumthing? didnt reply, and tuesday called me again at 7:30pm...I know I looked really good that night but I dont understand him...does he really want just friendship...is it me the problem? Is his jalousy possesiveness just an equation of curiosity? And he's been with this girl since december (that i know of) maybe he's been with her since september, thats when when things ended...I dont know how to deal with him no more, I love him but is he just playing me...then again y would he call so often after seein me...and y would he call at 4 am ? I dont understand but then again...he's with her when he could of been with me...it was his decision...Should I talk to him about it...or just keep ignoring to make him feel this time he lost me for good...I feel so numb...and confused...please help...thank u...I KNOW ITS LONGGGG...but I just dont get what r his true intentions and if we're ever gonna go back and how...THANK UUUU!!!
The puzzling thing is why is he with her but seems to care so much for you?
The best way to find out is to have a long, honest and trusting talk with him and find out what is going on in his mind.
You really shouldn't be putting up with his behavior no matter how much you like him. Get him to open up and clear up things.
Good luck! George
-- from George
One of Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com
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