I'm Trying to get Better to Get my Ex Back

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Visitor's Question:
Everyday I spend much of my energy thinking of ways to
get my ex boyfriend back. We have been apart for over
three months & I have been working out, dieting, writing
letters, making cds, (not sending) in hopes of getting back together. I miss him. We broke up on bad terms & avoided each other for a while but the distance has made me see that I really screwed up. I worry that all this focus is unhealthy but I can't stop. To make things a little more complicated, I now am dating another, whom I like, but do not have the same passion for as the ex. Bummer hey?

Should I call & face the great possability that he wants nothing to do with me? Should I just try to "bump into" him somewhere & test his reaction? Send A cd (his b-day is right around the corner)? And as pathetic as it sounds I know i should break it off with the new guy but I don't want to be completely alone.

Our Suggestion:
I guess first, I would caution you to try to develop a different mindset about all the self improvement you're doing. It's NEVER a good thing to try to change yourself for someone else. It puts all of your work into their hands, for that other person to judge if you've "changed enough" to suit their needs. That's not what love is about. Love is about accepting each other and caring for each other.

So if you want to be healthy and in shape and such, that's great! But do it because YOU want to be a better person and take better care of YOU. If he likes you that way, that's a side benefit. But *don't* make it the sole reason you do these things.

Yes, it's definitely not good for you to be dating someone while actively wanting to persue someone else. It's really not fair to the first guy. I guess it depends how seriously you're dating him. If you're just casual non-exclusive, then you are open to date others or to pine about your ex. That's part of non-exclusivity. But if you have *told* him you're exclusive or agreed to it, you really have to tell him about your ex. You have made a commitment to this guy and it's your responsibility to be honest about your inability to honor it.

As far as the ex, I would find a way to meet him in person. It's always, always better to do these things face to face. So don't make it an accident, but catch him say coming from work and tell him you've been wanting to talk with him and give him the CD you've made. Ask him if he has time to grab drinks with you. Probably he'll agree to be nice, and then you can talk about things from there.

--Your Friendly Advisors at RomanceClass.com

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