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I do love you

I was so horrible to you... For no reason other than simply being selfish. Only, because I have never felt something so real and so quickly. I have never heard or believed it could happen. Especially to me.

Your photos were hot. You're hot. But, people are people. But you overtook me the minute I saw you. I can't explain what happened. All I know, is like an idiot I became very afraid that I would end up hurt.... again...

After my ex-husband and all his abuse, I told myself I would never leave myself vulnerable to anyone again. You're not my ex. You can't even compare. I was afraid because NO ONE in my life made me have those feelings. I was trying to see and make up faults in you to guard me from falling for you. I know it's stupid and doesn't make sense. I'm not afraid of loving, I am afraid of being hurt. I would never admit to this If I didn't know you were the one for me. I made a mistake. It was me... not you. I realize my mistake has made me think about you almost every day for over five years now.

I'm not afraid of committing. I'm afraid of giving my all for someone and being hurt once again. I'm terrified of being broken again. I don't screw around and when I love someone I love them forever. I don't love my ex and realize I just wanted a family and he wasn't the man. He was very abusive and on drugs and physically and mentally tore me down. I got divorced and obviously became too strong. Too strong for my own good.

But one thing I do know. Is I fell for you in a heartbeat.
You couldn't say anything wrong... I was the wrong one.

But if you ever do talk to me again... You better be prepared to endure someone who wants you in their life. Hopefully until the end of time. Because you are the one I regret pushing away. You are the one that I love... You are the one that will have me by your side during all ups and downs in this life. You are my best friend and someone who will not tear you down because you could never say anything wrong again..... I do love you and it freaked me out who could I meet someone so real and perfect?? It hurts me every single day that I ruined the best thing that has ever happened to me. THE BEST.....

...I just hope God brings you in my path again in this lifetime.. I love you...


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