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In my heart I never lost hope

David and I met in high school in '92 when we went to opposing schools. I will never forget the day I met him. Our school had a debate meet of some sort at his school. I had seen him all day and it wasnt until a few minutes that we were fixing to load the bus to go home that i guess he finally had the courage to come talk to me. That changed my life forever. We slowly moved over to an empty building foyer to talk. The look in his eyes was soooo captivating and real, i immediately fell in love with him. We talked until it was time for me to leave which at that point he took me into his arms and planted our first kiss. The angels in heaven began singing and that one kiss is all that i needed to know that this young man would always be in my heart till the day that i died. We exchanged addresses and that began a period of my life that will always be filled with the most beautiful words spoken. He wrote me a love letter very often and by the time i went away to college i had a nice collection. The words that he spoke and the plans that we had seemed like a fantasy but we were young and in love! We had plans for our life, he was going to enlist in the Navy and i had plans to go to College, we were going to get married, have kids,had our kids names picked out and all was going to be ok, still communicating by mail he wrote me and informed me that he would be up to see me at my college before he shipped out. I was completely ecstatic and sad at the same time! On one had i was gonna see my love but at the same time I was going to say goodbye not knowing it would be 18 years later before we saw each other again. The day he came to see me I was in class. I knew that he would be in and I should have informed the dorm room attendant that he would be here but I didnt know the exact date. Well the day came and like I said I was in class and the dorm room attendant informed him that I had went home for the weekend. I was totally unaware that he had been here until the attendant informed that that "some navy guy" had just left and said something about shipping out!!! I was completely DEVASTATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I skipped all my classes for the rest of the day and stayed in my dorm room crying my eyes out...Our love was real, intense, and different and i knew deep down inside that i would see him again one day!! Life moved on for me but i NEVER stopped thinking about him and wondering what if. I eventually found someone else who I thought loved me and be began to build a life together. I should have known from the beginning that it wouldnt last forever. One month into moving in we became pregnant. I was sooo happy, here I had a guy who loved me or so I thought, I was expecting my first child. Life was great. We had agreed that we would be monogamous. Well that all changed in July of 95 when I received a phone call informing me that another woman was expecting a child in August of 95. My child would be born in September of 95. Yes you can do the math and at that point i should have left but I think I was so desperate to feel the love lost my HS sweetie that I just settled for anything. This lasted for 16 years. Sixteen long years of drug abuse, alcohol abuse, vebal and mental abuse, controlling, jealousy, nights of him not coming home, weekends in jail, you name it he did it. This man had such a control over me and I just took it and over all the years and four kids later I had literally lost myself. In January of '10 anther incident came along where the paternity of another child came into question. I knew that I was tired of living this way and as soon as i saw the letter from the Child Support Enforcement office I knew that at that moment every feeling that i had ever had for him was gone!!!!! We continued to move on as usual but my feelings were gone. In April we found out that the paternity test was negative but in my mind I had already made the decision that it was over. We kept on like this until August, when by mere chance I was looking up my old HS sweetheart on FaceBook. I had been searching him for years!! Well on August 22 I FINALLY found him again!!!!! I sent hime a message and we started talking as friends. We began by telling each other about our lives and what had happened over the years. He was divorced and had three kids, I was in a loveless bad relationship (because he never wanted to marry me and he couldnt hold a job) with four kids, had a good job, just being supermom. On August 30 my kids dad overheard a conversation that I had with his cousin and my cellphone dialed his phone and it recorded the whole conversation. In the conversation I had discussed all my options and my complaints about him. when he heard this he was fuming. We started arguing and a little voice inside my head told me to step up and leave him. And in addition to the voice in my head I had David's words telling me that I deserved better!!! I finally spoke up and I told him that it was over and that I had had enough!! He was enraged and he kicked me out with nothing but the clothes on my back. He tried to keep the kids from me and that evening I came back with the police to get them. The next day August 31 I went and bought a new car and by that evening I had two slashed tires. I have perservered each day since then and David and I have grown to become the friends that we have always wanted to be in addition to the lovers that we have just recently became. September 25th I saw my true love again. And just like a storybook romance, he drove 3 hrs to see me, we met up at a local mall and he was sitting there and our eyes locked and he stood up and I ran into his arms and we held each other for so long and the emotions of it all cause me to cry and he looked at me and wiped my tears away and he leaned in and kissed me. At that moment all time stood still and the love that we felt for each other the first time we kissed as youngsters was still the love we feel today. We spent the whole weekend together and it was the best time I have ever experienced!!We have recently talked about our future and we both know that we will do whatever it takes to be together till we die. In my heart I never lost hope and my love for this wonderful man will never die and I honestly feel it is the same for him. As the days progress our love grows stronger and stronger and if I died tomorrow I know that I died loving the man that I know was meant for me. My love sent from above!! I love you David!!


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