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My Love Experience
i was eleven and he was fifteen. i had him on myspace and never talked to him but later i met him in person and there was something about him that bothered me. i was also nervous and i kept blabbing my mouth off about random things and i wouldnt leave his side. i was really embarrassed when me and my cousins left because they were embarrassed by my behavior.
the next day a couple friends who were present that night asked me if i liked him but i denied...i also discussed it with a friend and she told me "you so like him!" "i do not!" i said "i dont wanna talk about this anymore okay? when i wanna talk about it again ill let you know but until then you better leave me alone about it!"
two days later i decided i did like him and i told the one friend i told and every time i smiled really big and/or blushed she would say "oooh" and i would be even redder.
a week later my friend pressured me to tell him how i feel and i wouldnt want to so i didnt. me and him talked and we would be funny and nice...without even realizing it theyre would be flirting too. one night my friend told me hes online and i knew and we were already talking. "you have to tell him you like him 'cause nows a good chance." "no" i said "i dont wanna tell him. im afraid he wont like me back." "well at least hell know and maybe hell ask ou out" she said "just tell himz!" "NO!!!" i responded "IM NOT GONNA TELL HIM!!!!!" "im giving you two choices" she responded "either you tell him or i do!!" i gasped "no! ill tell him."
i told him and he said he felt the same way about me. "really?" i asked "yea" he responded "when i first saw you i thought you were pretty and i wanted to ask you out but i thought i was too old for you." "you really thought i was pretty?" i blushed. "yea" he said "even ask my sister i told her that." as i was talking to him i was talking to my friend too. she asked him if he liked anybody else other than me and he said he does. i felt a little sadness. i asked if he likes some one else and he said i want to be honest because i dont wanna lie to you..." next thing i knew my heart felt kind of torn 'cause he liked my friend...the only one i mentioned about him to. i told her and the moment she said what are we going to do i have never been more mad. then i continued to talk to him about something else while me and my friend talked about the same subject.
a week later we went downtown because my friend wanted him to hurry up with his choice. it looked like they were already going out and every moment i saw them talking it hurt more everytime but i tried to ignore the feeling. later we told him please pick now its the point of us being here. he said he couldnt decide and he was hitting his head on the wall already. later we told him again make your choice now. we waited a couple minutes later 'til he said not my name but my friend. the moment i heard the name i had this pain in my heart and i wanted to cry so much but i just stood there while he kissed her on the cheek...that moment felt like pure torture but i clarified to them and said "ill be back okay?" "okay" he said. i walked to the bathroom and as soon as the door closed i started crying so hard then stopped and started punching and kicking the stalls(its a good thing no one was in there too!)and cried even more and even harder. i wasnt done crying but i decided to stop and go outside but they werent there so i looked for my other friends who came with us but i met up with the couple first. i was embarrassed because i knew my eyes were red when he smiled and said "you could tell you were crying" i just gave him a sad look that said im happy for you but please remember me too. then i found my other friends and stayed with them instead of my cousins...i got in so much trouble. everyday after that i started crying and no matter how long and hard i cried it was never enough to relieve the pain.
two days later...my friend wasnt my friend amymore the second on myspace she told me "you better not talk to him anymore." i was frozen i couldnt type my response and eventually she logged off and i knew she was going to tell him to stop talking to me.the next day he came to my school and talked to me like normal and flirted with me a little bit and i felt like i just had to smile and walk away 'cause i felt like i was gonna cry already so thats what i did.
a few weeks later she told me i better not talk to him go near him not even look at him! she just said(on myspace)i better not have anything to do with him ever and at that moment i cried...i cried all night and the next morning too.(good thing it was a weekend!)
then on monday there was this cute high school guy and he talked to me. i saw him on the first day of school and for some reason there was something about him that i liked. but anyways we talked and he made me laugh a lot. i thought he was cool. when i felt like i liked him i couldnt deny it! it was so noticeable and all my friends made fun of me for it but i didnt care. in the meantime every moment was pure torture knowing about the guy that broke my heart but it was weird because everyday when i saw the other high school guy a little bit of the pain would go away.
one day i stopped talking to both of them. they told me hi and i would say whatever and walk away. another thing that was weird was that i liked my cousins first love's BROTHER it was a little weird but i didnt really mind. when i stopped talking to both of them i felt more heart broken.... for three months i was crying soo much and ever since it hurts to cry and im surprised i could still see. after crying so much for three horrible months i finally got over it but i was still hung up on the high school guy.
a few months later i felt like i was in love with the high school guy but he never talked to me. i was sad inside but when i see him all i think about is my life with him. i eventually confessed to my new best friend how i deeply felt about him...how excited i would be when i see him...how i would feel sad and just thinking about him would make me smile. after all that happened with the first guy i never talked about it ever again 'til four months after and when it was almost six i told my best friend everything. i also told her how ever since then i hated my old friend. but after two more months i thought "after they broke up for good and even a month before shes been the same old friend i really trusted before! theres no reason to hate her anymore."
but my cousin makes fun of me saying "youre gonna die alone 'cause youre ugly and im gonna get married because im beautiful haha." it would hurt but sometimes i think "the high school guy looks at me sometime so i shouldnt be worried." one day she said probably no one likes me and i responded "dont say anything but im kind of not so sure about that if my guy looks at me sometimes and stuff." and she wouldnt respond.
one day we talked about that one time i told her about my guy and i told her "honestly i get mad at you sometimes but no matter how mad i get i would break up with my love for you. and i just want you to know that." that time i think we really connected. she might get me so upset at times up to the point where i punch the wall but no matter what shes my favorite cousin. i luv her i would do anything for her really.
one day she was visiting for a long time and she mentioned "i really wanna tell you something but i cant youll get mad too because it has something to do with your friends and your guy." one day she said i have to tell you! okay ill tell you but you have to promise not to speak of it and act like you dont know anything!" "i promise" i said but i crossed my fingers because i knew we were gonna talk about it soon. that moment she told me that my best friend since kinder is going out with him. she was surprise i wasnt mad but i was really sad. i wanted to cry really bad but i didnt so i waited that night when she was alseep. another day me and my cousin went on one of my other really close friends myspace and we talked to my friend and she said she was going to break up with him soon but still not tell anybody. i was really upset when i found out she didnt even like him that much and because it was true and because she said yes. from that point on i never forgave her but she doesnt even know. but i know the truth she doesnt know and i hope it stays that way but either way shes still my friend(im a forgiving person most of the time). to this day me and my two friends that hurt me are still my friends and the first guy is also my friend...i deny by mouth he was ever my first love but by heart i can never deny that he was my first love ever but im still on love with the high school guy and he doesnt even know and he isnt my friend....
its almost been another year and im doing well but never forgetting my love experience
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