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Sometimes the one thing you're looking for is the only thing you can't see
This is a true story, a story of how hard it is for me to carry on each day. Three years ago a new girl moved to our school and became my friend. She became a member of our group of friends and as a newcommer, made certain assumptions. She was insistant that something was going on between me and one of my close male friends, she thought we were in love. This annoyed me because it wasn't true and it was putting a strain on our relationship. I believed I was deeply in love with someone, who didn't love me and never would. I thought that it was the hardest thing to see him with other girls. He messed me about and he was all I thought about for over 2 years. I grew closer to the girl and the boy who she thought was my perfect match. She accepted she wasn't getting anywhere with that but did mention to the boy she had thought we would be good together. He said he would go out with me and she told me this, but of course I was already in love....
Nearly 2 years later and I decided the guy I loved had led me on for the last time. Truth is it was never going to happen, we were nothing alike, it would never have worked. By this time I was best friends with the boy my friend thought was my ideal match. We were gradully becomming inseperable.
Then something happened, I can't explain what but one minute I was looking at my best friend, who I loved, the next my best friend, who I was in love with.
One night I told him, it took a lot of courage, he was silent for a long while. I had to leave and he walked me home, at the end he shook my hand and said 'still good friends, yeah?'. It was the most painful thing I had ever had to hear. Time passed and the awkwardness faded and, if anything, we were closer than ever. People were convinced we were an item. Until he got a girlfriend. Someone he barely knew. That hurt a lot. I couldn't bare to think about it. He couldn't understand why I was pushing him away. The relationship didn't last long but it created a gulf between us that didn't fully dissappear for a long time.
In the end the tension turned into an argument and then a very emotional heart to heart. He said that he felt as though people were applying pressure, suggesting we should be more than friends and it worried him because if that happened he would loose the only person he could really talk to. Those words broke my heart.
That was months ago, I think the hardest thing is knowing that if I had listened to tha girl I would be with him today, as his girlfriend, not best friend. People still assume there's something going on and I die a tiny bit inside everytime he says how close we are or how we were 'ment to be friends' because I know thats all we'll ever be.
Sometimes the one thing you're looking for is the only thing you can't see...even though it's right there, and everyone else is well aware.
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