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my vanity got the better of me
The first time I met him my vanity got the better of me, he was only 11 and I 12 and he, in my books, was overweight and had a bad hair cut.
He followed me around, my group of friends around for over a year, I constantly found him a girlfriend because I hated it when i had to let him down, everytime he asked me out, I hated it.
The people I almost forced him to go out with envied me, they wanted his full attention but I couldnt understand why he was so sought after, he wasnt "my type"
But he did become a friend, then a bestfriend and when other friends moved away and the group of friend no longer gelled it became three of us, him, William and I.
Will gave him advice behind my back, told him if he started getting over me I would come to him - turns out Will could read me like a book!
We were now 14 and I had a boyfriend, but when the guy who had always fancied me lost interest I started becoming interested, I looked at him in different ways, we could talk more because it wasnt awkward anymore.
I dumped my boyfriend.
I kissed other guys.
I went out with other guys.
Then I kissed Luke, he was him, the bestfriend I had thought fat and ugly. The boy who was now constantly on my mind.
And I tore away from him that very night, I didn't want it, I couldnt go with my best friend.
I watched him change, he lost weight, grew very tall, he had muscles, he became a bit of a bad boy. He was sexy.
He was a heartthrob, and now I wanted him.
We had the relationship I wanted, he asked me out and I said yes but my pride was always there ruining things.
In my head, sometimes he was the same boy I had first met and I held it against him, I couldnt help my vanity.
I dumped him for these meager reasons and my heart ached when I saw him with other girls.
But we both couldnt keep away from eachother, every now and again out passion would get the most of us and we would end up in passionate kisses, he was the best kisser, you know.
He asked me out again and i told him no, then again, same answer.
I was mixed up.
And I blamed him for ruining out relationship, for being the way he was.
But now I realise. It's my fault, it's always been my fault, and now I can see he's really pushing himself to get over me, Im falling for him harder than ever and its ripping me apart.
Cause now, i blame myself. Im taking the blame for losing the love of my life.
That's what he is.
I love him.
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