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Saved life

Well it started like the normal boy likes girl story, i was friends with this girl for a long long time. We always told each other who we liked and all our secrets. Then one day she said that she liked someone and i asked her who. She didn't say a name she just kept saying trust me you know him. Well after some more digging i figured out it was me, so i didn't want to confront her about it but i also wanted her to just admit that it was me. This went on for about two or three weeks. Then we went on vaccation together and we were typing each other notes on my Ipod Touch, and i brought up the subject of who she liked. she said well he is a good friend of mine and she started to describe my physical appearance in vivid detail. We sorta laughed about the whole idea and she was kinda embarased about the whole thing because I was not sure if I liked her or not. Well after a sleepless night i realized that i actually did like her and so the next day i asked her to be my girlfriend. She almost choked when she said yes. We were so happy together and the more i talked to her or spent time with her i started to have these weird feelings towards her. Well i was utterly confused and so i did what most confused teens do i googled it hahahaha!!! Well after google was no real help i sat and thought about it. As it turns out i was in love with her. I was really fighting with myself to tell her or not. When someone says they love you its like they have two guns one pointed at you and the other at their own head. You know what you should say but if you really don't feel that way towards that person you could really hurt them. The one thing you never know is what they will say... it could be exactly what you want to hear or it could be the exact oposite. And they could have live ammo or blanks... its risky either way. She smiled and said that she loved me to i was sittin on cloud 9!!! It was so great and words just dont describe it or even do it justice. Well around month 8 of our relationship she got scared... she thought things were getting to serious and we broke up... I have cried over the loss of two girls... i sat in my room with my phone in my hand... i felt so empty the lyrics of My Black Dahlia by Hollywood Undead kept going through my head over and over:

How could you do this to me?
Look at what I made for you, it never was enough and the world is what I gave to you.
I used to be love struck; now I'm just f@!#ed up.
Pull up my sleeves and see the pattern of my cuts!

I made my decision, i got up and opened my nightstand drawer and pulled out my knife... I went over to my computer and typed letters to all the important people in my life and i emailed them to myself i wrote my email adress and password on a peice of paper saying please check this. I put it in my pocket and pulled up my sleeves... I felt the cold blade pressing into my skin... a small trickle of blood ran down the length of my arm. My phone began to ring i ignored it and it still was ringing. It finally got so annoying that i picked it up and was about to trow it out the window when i saw who was calling. It was my friend who had just found out about the break up and knew that i really cared about her. I answered and he told me to but the pills or the gun, rope, belt, knife, or step away from the bridge just stop and think about what i was doing...

I did... death at that point still seemed better but my friend talked me outta it. Im still here today and im lovin life :) i guess really that the moral is no matter how much you care about someone they probably will end up breaking your heart, face, or make you go broke so dont get to attached to anyone! Its cool to date and all but dont give up your life over a break up!!


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