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Jungle of Butterflies

I met him in 5th grade,the first week of school I didn't pay any attention to him.But during the first time we wen't out for recess,I accidentally kick the soccer ball into his...well his weak point.TWICE.And near dismissal I kept on saying sorry over again because he looks like he was pretty hurt lol.After that day I started to like him.We became friends,we sometimes argues,but just plain playing,and sometimes we sit next to each other,I would get a whole jungle of butterflies in my stomach.And when he smiles,it makes my heart leap,I feel happy when he's happy.In November we were playing chess,my friend told him I likes him,we stop the chess game and went back to our seats,but we couldn't avoid each other because..well because we only sits one seats apart,and miraculously,his bus was late that day [his bus has ALWAYS been the first ones to be called].The next day I avoid talking or even looking at him,he must've noticed and ask me if I was ok,the moment he ask,I felt really surprised and happy! I said I was fine and then we started to go back to how we were as if nothing happene.On the last day of school,I gave him a keychain I made,I was suppose to give it to my best friend in the other class but she didn't wanted it,and as fate has come,I have the same keychain [my best friend's fave color was yellow so yellow goes with purple,my fave color was purple so purple goes with yellow,so I made 2 same keychains,who knew it'll end up with him!],he accepted it.
For the entire summer I kept on thinking about him and was looking forward to seeing him again.We were in different academy,on the first day I saw him in Orange acad.,I was in Yellow,but the on the second day of school,I saw him in Yellow,even though I was confused,I was happy.And then about 2 weeks later,my teachers decided to transfer me to a higher level class because I was too advance for their classes,and guess where I transfer to? His class,he was an ace student also so I wasn't surprised.On the first day of my transfer we didn't talk at all,but as fate would have it,I sat next to the person who sat across him,so it's pretty hard to ignore him.Then after wellness [sort of like P.E] we were in line and told each other to shut up continuously for no particular reason.On October 15th,I told him I like him during dimissal because he wouldn't stop teasing me about who I like.Then some how after a month or so we bacame friends again and got along even better than we did last year.That was when I started to cut myself,I would always be in a bad mood and sometimes pretend I didn't know who he is,I know it's bad to lie but I just really want to know how he would annoys him.After Winter break I stopped cutting myself.Everything changed between me and him,he started to call me names and makes me cries on purpose,he yelled at me to get out of his face when I told him to go to the nurse when he was sick,honestly I was worried about him,and when he shouted at me all I felt was pain.After that day I always try to hide my feelings from him.At the beginning of that semester,his best friend started arguing with me,I had ABSOLUTELY no feelings for that guy and hated him completely,he would hide my pencil pouch and when I finds it,it would be all drawn over with markers and highlights,so I would always have to hit him at least ONCE a day,though so,he seems to enjoy being beaten up by me.He would block me whenever I runs during wellness [yet he left the other girls alone].More things happens and I realized I like that guy,but never told him or gave out hints because,well,because we're enemies.And he never fails to annoys me by calling me "it" [so I would chase him at least 5 times around the classroom].And we sometimes almost gotten into fights,the only one was ever capable of stopping us is..the guy I knew from 5th grade.It continues like that for the remainder of the year.After the TAKS tests,I was forced to sit next to the guy from 5th grade,but we pull our desks further apart and never talk to each other,the only time we do is when we insults each other.I'm going to 7th grade this year,and both if them will be going there too,and the 5th grade guy,if nothing changes,will also go to the same high school as me.I don't know whom I have more feelings for,because I always end up crying when I think of the 5th grade guy and smiles whenever I think of the other guy.Once,while we were playing dodgeball,some students knock the cafeteria's board off the wall,and when me and the guy I currently like/hate was trying to turn it over,he put his hand on top of mine,and I perfectly know he knew my hand was right there.And there was a time my glasses was badly bented,the guy from 5th grade fixed it for me,and up 'til now,whenever I look at the glasses closely I would see the bented part that he fixed,and over this summer I concealed my feelings for both of them and decided that hate is all that there is between me and them.How this story of mine is going to end all depends on fate,as of right now.I denied being in love with any of them,because I'm afraid of getting hurt,all I can wait.


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