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One day I'll love him

Unexpected Shame

It was just a normal day, a day like any other. I had finished from college and just been paid at work. I felt like spending loads and loads of money. So it made sense for me to go shopping.

On my way back I met with one of my very old friends that I had not seen in at least a whole year. We both had to use a train to get home so we walked to the train station together. Our train was not due for about another 15 minutes; while we were talking and waiting so patiently for our train to arrive we bumped into a friend of hers. For the 1st few minutes of while were all waited together somehow her friend (whom is a boy by the way) took no notice of me. My friend (the girl) thought it appropriate for us to continue our discussion but I was hesitating and she saw this immediately because what we were talking about was quite personal, so we exchanged numbers. She introduced her friend to me and introduced me to him. I smiled and said hello. He said it was nice to meet me and commented on my smile. We then started talking and exchanging information about ourselves. He found me interesting but at the time I was so blind to see that what he trying to do was befriend me. When our train arrived the two of sat next to each other and I was wandering where my friend had gone. He said I shouldn't worry. We carried on talking... I don't even remember what about.

He was just about to get off when he asked for my email address so we could talk online. I gave it to him. Unfortunately I forgot at them time that my internet was not working.

A week later a girl at my college approached me and asked me if I knew of a boy called...Stephen. I said yes, she explained to me how Stephen has been talking about me to her and he asked her to get my number off me for him so he could ring me. I was very unsure at the time. I had totally forgotten about him and when i was talking to him I discovered that I was older than him. She somehow convinced me to give my number to her.

That night I received a call from Stephen and we got to talking. He seemed very nice, genuine and trustworthy. However I knew to be careful and didn't tell him too much about myself we spoke for about 4/5 hours that night. I didn't hear from him for about two days but he explained that he did not have a phone with much credit on it. I said it was okay. He started saying how he missed talking to me and how Iím constantly on his mind. He asked me out on a date and I said no explaining that the reason was because he was younger than me. He told me that it was out of order of me to use his age as an excuse to not go out with him and if I didn't like him I should just say. He made me feel very bad and I allowed him to know that I did like him. We calculated the age difference and it was only a sum of up to 5 weeks. I considered this okay and so did my friends.

The following Monday after college we had arranged to meet at one train station and go to the cinema. I went very reluctantly but I must say I had fun. We were early for our film so we decided to sit at a restraint and have some dinner. We talked, laughed, flirted and got to know a lot bout each other. We wanted to get out of the restraint because we felt like all eyes were on us. We went to the cinema and sat for a bit more at the waiting area. He told me to sit on his lap so I did. I felt comfortable and so did he. Playing and talking we had fun. Our movie had started so we had to go in. We chose to watch Halloween. Minutes into the film I was already freaked out. He wrapped his arm around me, and said that it was okay. I just laughed because I had not notice how scared I was. Minutes after that he was looking at me, and I felt his eyes so I turned to face him. We had done this like 4 times on different occasions. The 5th time we did it he leaned in and kissed me. I kissed him back. It felt good. The rest of the date went just perfect.

When he got home he rang me to make sure I was okay and to find out if I had enjoyed myself. I explained to him that it was a lot of fun and I would just love to do it again. The next weekend we went cinema again. And from this point on I was noticing that any free time he had he would just want to spend it with me I was flattered but I must admit that I was not liking him as much as he liked me and I think I showed this. He told me that I was not romantic and I told him to explain further what he meant. He said for me to forget it. I knew just what he was taking about. I was being shy, he was my first boyfriend. I had done things with other boys like kiss and all that. I just didnít see the point at the time but now I was in college I thought I was mature and very able to nurture a relationship. I was wrong. We were still having fun and all that but he wanted more. I was a virgin and he knew this however did not respect it. On the occasion he would try and tempt me knowing just how important it is for me to maintain my virginity.

Unfortunately a day came where this boy had me. We slept together. Afterwards I went home on my own and was just ashamed at myself for letting him do that to me. He used me. We didnít speak for about a week, he didnít ring me as usual neither did I ring him. I kept it to myself I did not tell anyone.

One day I was just there thinking about him, and I got up picked up the phone and rang him. We spoke for a short while but not about what happened. He had nothing to say to me anymore. I was so angry and just pissed off at the fact that he was so immature and all along for 7 months he knew just what he wanted and how to get it. I felt like a complete fool. Eventually he would ring me on the occasion and I would ring him but we never saw one another. We grew apart I guess.

I know for sure that my ex hates himself so much right now, he hears things about me from people almost everyday and I hear things about him. He has not been with anyone since he was with me and prior to this happening he was known as a Ďladies maní. I canít say that he destroyed me because I know he didnít and at the end of they day all he took from me was my virginity not my life.

Thankfully now I am at a very happy place. Iím with someone who loves me and adores me for real. His not even all about sex. He took me from where I was before and placed me where I am right now and I tell him all the time that he means a lot to me. I donít actually love him but I know one day I will.


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