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His smile

I knew this boy in elementary school and he was cute so I had a tiny crush on him and by 3rd grade I forgot about him. By the end of fourth grade our school was split up and half of us went to one school while the other have stayed there. I was one of many who stayed behind.. and he was one of many who left. It was really difficult seeing everyone leave, but the years went by and we soon forgot about one another students/friends. Then in high school everyone was reunited! It was terrific to see old pals! At first when i saw the boy I crushed on I didn't recognize him. He had changed so much, but in a good way, sort of. I took one glance at him and I knew for sure I liked him. I wanted to be with him; have him wrap his arms around me and kiss me. He was with his girlfriend when I first saw him again. I have to admit i was somewhat jealous. Although, as time flew by we had became closer friends, and even though I had a boyfriend already, I still wanted to be with him. He had broken up with his girlfriend or vise versa and he had been flirting with me a lot, which only made me wan him more. By the time that x-mas had came around I was crazy for him, and I had broken up with my boyfriend the day before x-mas eve. People accused me of dumping him for my new guy I liked, but I was going to break up with my boyfriend soon anyways. That same day the guy I liked a lot asked me out. (I still saved some of his texts he sent me.) I was so thrilled and I couldn't wait to see him. Although, our relationship did not last long at all. We had done things we probably shouldn't have and we had been caught. MY parents had along speech with me, as well as his parents did with him. He got his cell taken away, so I couldn't even talk to him until winter break was over and we went back to school. Things were somewhat awkward between us and I hated not being able to be with him. Later that week i had told him how much I still liked him and how much I still cared about him, and he seemed to have just brushed it off every time I mentioned it. I was hysterical by the end of that conversation. Luckily he hadn't seen me crying, because he had gotten his cell back and we were just texting each other. I was so hurt, and he just didn't seem to care. Things are better between us now, but I still have to hide away my feelings for him. My ONCE good friend(who just happens to be bi) had asked him out, when she knew I still liked him. I was devastated, and worst of all they are still together. I cringe every time i see her near him. She is even cheating on him with another girl. I don't want to see him get hurt, because of her. I wanted to tell him, but I was so afraid he would not believe me and he would stop being my friend and that is the last thing I want. I am just so confused on what to do. I don't want him to get hurt by him finding out himself either though. People tell me all the time of how much he is a "tool" or he is an ***hole, but I always see past it all. I can't stop thinking about him, every second of the day. I don't even want to try to get over him, because all I want is for us to be together. Although, for him, I guess that isn't the same way, and so I hide my feelings for him, and I act as if nothing had happened, when really I cry a little every time I see is face, his eyes, his smile. Oh my gosh, his smile! I can't ever get it out of my mind. I like him so much that I might even call it love. I love him so much I'd do anything to make him happy, even if that meant i wasn't his anymore.


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