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I need someone who's strong
I liked this guy who I hadnt spoken to for over five years. He lives in another country though, like a three hour flight away. There was this other guy who liked me that lives in this country and there was this other guy who was also slightly interested in me. The thing is the guy thats living far away him and me are just so alike and I know him more than any of the other guys. He makes me laugh and smile but not just that he gives the best advices and hes so understanding. I thouhgt he was just wonderful the only problem is that he lives three hours away. Come on for mercy's sake! I cant stand having him so far away. I tend to feel lonely at times and when hes that far away how is he going to be able to be close to me when he just knows he cant. Ive never had a boyfriend before and Im not wanting my first relationship to be a long distance on either. I had doubts from the beginning about us but never said anything until the guy who had a slight interest in me asked me out. That triggered some thoughts in my mind and thats when I knew what I sort of wanted. I told the guy who lives far away that nothing can really happen and that this guy asked me out but I forgot to mention that my answer to that guy was no. So because I didnt explain myself clear enough the guy thought really badly of me afterwards and then he suddenly went into a depression. It was a completely bad time for him since so many other things were going on in his life. I should have known though but I never expected him to really take it that badly. We didnt talk for a while after that.
The other guy I mentioned who liked me and who lives in the same country well even though he seems great and all I see him more as a friend really or more like a little boy. He acts like it and it just isnt what Im looking for. I never really know what to tell him when Im chatting to him... its just hard because if I told him Im just scared of losing a friend thats it. Im just so selfish. I mean if I actually wanted to not hurt him so much I would tell him now but still I cant because of fear. Anyways, I started talking to the guy who lives in another country again and told him everything and made things clear so now we're talking again. Thank goodness for that. He doesnt think Im desperate or shallow anymore. The affect of what went between us just made me realize how weak he truly is... I dont want that. Im the one who gets weak easily... It cant be the guy I like. Im the one who needs help time to time. Im the one who needs someone to lean on some times and someone that would bring me confidence and guidence not bring me down and make me worry so much. Im not a strong person myself so thats why I need a someone thats better than I am.
After all thats happened I finally realize what I want and that isnt someone who acts like a little boy or one thats weak. I need someone whos strong and more of a man than a boy. How am I going to explain this to my friends...? Its just so frustrating.
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