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i've finally found my first love

It was love at first sight that first year of high school, it was hot and i was walking to the bus stop, after school. I saw a figure from the distance but as i came closer i saw how handsome he was. He had big hazel eyes, fair skin and soft brown curls. His name was sammy.
I told my friends about my crush and we would watch him playing football or laughing with his friends. At first we were buddies and we would borrow each others ipod, but then my feelings started to develope more and more each year, i cannot look at him directly or even manage to utter a word.
The problem is that he found out and because of his sweet nature he asked me out as not to hurt me. But i had to turn it down because i knew it was only out of pity and that made me feel dumb.
Recently i've been going back to the friends track to make it less awkward for us, but i've noticed recently that he tries to show off a bit in front of me and sometimes when i turn around i catch him staring at me but then quickly turning away.
I'm entering year 9 now, and i've tried to forget him over the summer but whenever i hear someone say something close to sammy i jump up and shout 'what?!' and then for the rest of the day fall into deep depression. i couldn't enjoy disneyland this year because 100% of my mind and heart was with him. It's starting to become an obssesion and sometimes when i'd just be thinking about him, i'd burst into tears and my heart feels heavy.
It'd be stating the obvious if i added that i've finally found my first love, and i really am deeply in love and i'm only 14. I'm a big mess and even as i write this there are tears in my eyes.


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