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No one could love you as much as I do

It was Monday 11, 2006. I woke up and got ready to go on a trip. I remembered that I had to take my laptop to the trip. Before I put my laptop in the bag I checked my e-mail. There were three letters from my best friend. I read all of them and I wrote back. In my letters I asked her how she was doing and asked her if she had any brothers. Then I checked My Space. There were some messages from my friends and I saw that my best friend was online. I started sending her messages and she wrote back. After that I told her to get on messenger so we can instant message. We started chatting. I asked her if she had a boyfriend, but she did not answer my question. I asked her the same question one more time and she said “yes”. After that she sent me his picture. I got angry because I loved that girl and I didn’t want anyone to take her away from me. After that when she noticed that I got mad she sent me a picture of herself. She asked me if I liked the picture. I told her that she looked really beautiful on the picture and that I liked it. After that she asked me if I had a girlfriend. I told her that I never had a girlfriend before and I don’t have one right now.

This is the first time I fell in love with a girl. I really loved her but I never talked to her because I didn’t know what to say. I was in some words “shy”. She always looked at me and wanted to talk to me. I want to talk to her and show her the feelings I have but I was shy. It was very nice day because it was her birthday. I hadn’t any idea about that. Every one said “happy birthday” to her. I had a sheet of paper in my pocket and wrote her “Happy birthday”. Then she wrote back “Thanks dear for telling me happy birthday and you are so cute” The next letter was about her life when she was 15. Then she gave me letter every single day and I wrote her answers. One day she wrote me letter and I read that wanted to write answer to her letter. It was 5th period when I was going to Mr. White’s class I wanted to give her my letter but she was sleeping on her friend’s shoulder. I said “hey could you get my letter” but she did not pay me attention and her friend said put it in her hood and I left the letter. The next period she was with the letter in her hand but I did not get that letter because if she doesn’t want to talk with me I can’t talk to her. I got my stuff and started to walk, she was behind me and called “Anwar get the letter” but I did not get that because I was very mad. After that I felt sorry because I wanted to give her letter. And I stopped talking to her. After that she was very happy every day when she sees someone from her classmates she started to hug with them but I didn’t care about that. My wish was to make her happy, I did not say anything to her but I was crazy at home because I could not make her happy. She was my only special someone in this world, my first and last love. My hope was to be friends with her. I always asked to god to make our friendship strong and god helped us with that problem. I was always sad at home, my mom said son “what is wrong with you” I said nothing just have little headache that is all. And she said “Do you have headache always then why are you crying” I said “I am very lazy boy all my homework are not done correctly”. Of course I lied to her again. My problem was at school with my best friend she was mad at. I was with all my Turkish friends and they were eating but I wasn’t. I went to sleep and after I woke up and one of my friend said hey what is wrong with you started to joke but I was angry I said “Stop, do not joke with me this time” But he did not stop. I said again “Hey It is my last warning if you talk to me again I am going to kick you ass” And he cussed at me. I did not want to hit him but he got on my nerves, then he pushed me and I kick his face it started to bleed. I thought that he is dead but he wasn’t, I said sorry to him. But he did not listen to me and started yelling at me. I got the car with my brother and drove to our home. One day I was absent from school because I was too mad of that. He was my friend how I could do that, it was my first time to take out someone’s blood. Thursday I came to school and principle said “Anwar what was wrong with you yesterday” I did not answer that because it was my own business and I try to keep it a secret from everyone. But it did not work and he said “Go home and never come this school it is very dangerous to kick someone. I said “Yes that was my bad” And went to home, my mom was sitting in front of door and said “what happened honey” I said “ Mom, nothing I am just going to stay at home for two days”. And we ate lunch at home and my mom said you have any kind problems? At school you were never were like that before. I said “everything is okay, I am fine” Again I lied to my mom. But my problem was my love. I could not forget her beautiful face, every time I closed my eyes she was in front of me. It was Monday the phone started to ring and I pick that up that was principle he said that I can come to school. I came to school and saw him again he said “Anwar listen if you fight one more time we are going to take out you from this school. “Agree” I said.
It was second period I saw my friend’s face she was so beautiful that time and was looking at me. I wanted to hug her but I could not because I am not very well to her.
Now I am in Colorado sitting with my all friends around the same table. They are eating but I am not, they are laughing but I am not, they are happy but I am not, and never will be happy until she forgives me. I am not in love with her but try to be her best friend. I am very mad at myself. Why did I come to this school? I don’t think that I am very good guy, but I try to be nice. I am very bad and unlucky boy, no one wants to be friends with me. Every one has friends. I promise this life is going to be good. I have a friend; she doesn’t know her love and can’t choose one. She is very confused with that problem. You do not know who is your love and can’t choose. She is trying to love everyone one but it is impossible, and she want everyone to hug, and kiss. Look my feeling is very much for you I never forget you, and I love you as much as this life. Think and remember about everyday then you will know who stated to talk first. But I did not start, I give you letter when your birthday I just felt sorry to you because everyone said that you love me and I want to help to you. I can live without girl and I lived. But do not forget “No one could love you as much as I do”. My love was very true, and I will be. I still love you I never forget you.


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