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you have no clue; That I was made for you

You wanted to know why I kept pushing you away.

In the beginning you told me everything you wanted. I was not one of those things---"Healthy," but I didn't want you to know. Some physical things I had to work out (medically, not mentally as you so tried to insult me); nothing too major, just needed to be worked out. Well, now they are worked out, now that I am healthy and everything is back on track--- & you are far from gone. I tried to find everything I could to push "my dream away," so you wouldn't have to deal with that, especially since you had a very long history of someone else's health problems. Well, I guess you can't have everything; but you have no idea that now I am everything you described.

You will ALWAYS hold a huge and very special place in my heart and you'll never even know it.

In my view, noone I have ever met can hold a candle to you. Foolishly, I examined (as well as you did), every little move. We are both right at the beginning as before we met. But the difference is that now I am everything you described to me that you wanted; sadly the past has ruined the future of you ever knowing it. I think I fell in love with you. I know it's not lust as there have been others and noone has brought this feeling. Months later, this horrible feeling in my stomach remains when I think of you. It's not a feeling of knowing you; it's a feeling of knowing I lost the one that took the guard down. There is nothing I wouldn't have done to stand by your side. I never showed you for the above reason. In all actuality, your uninvited actions were actually very adored by me but I had to fight them for an excuse. I thought you were the hottest thing in this world. Most importantly, it's the feeling of doom in my stomach that made me realize you were like no other.

You didn't do anything special, it was just the energy of goodness that evaporated from the cockiness that made me see right through you (even though you tried not to show it {which, by the way, you know drove me crazy]).

You can think whatever you want, you can hate me, whatever. I know what was there and so did you.

To this day; you have no clue; That I was made for you.


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