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Now I can't stand to look at myself in mirror.

I can't stop hurting. I met this girl 7 months ago. Let's call her 'C'. I started work in the same place as her. We clicked straight away and had lots in common with each other. I was only looking to earn some money over summer, but I noticed very gradually that I was getting up earlier, eating healthier, smiling more and was generally happier. I then realised that I liked her. Now, I'm not a pretty boy. I've been hurt in the past and generally have a low opinion of myself and have never reacted well to compliments. Well 'C' was a stunner. She was gorgeous. Very quickly we were spending every lunch and weekend together (meals, drinks, movies, etc). She was single, but I kept telling myself that we were only friends, or that she was just being kind. She told me I was different from anyone she had ever met and that 'there's just something about you'. Well the weeks rolled by and I still refused to tell her. I just didn't want to get hurt. But the really dumb thing is that I knew then as I know now that she was waiting for me to make the move. Everyone we knew thought that we were actually a couple such was the amount of time we were spending together. Yet still I acted as her friend. Four months go by and I had go back to college. I had a window of opportunity. We were out on a Friday night and she suggested we go back to her place. What did I do? I bought a couple more drinks and then said goodnight. I walked away from her. A week later she met a guy and now their living together. All I thought I really wanted was to see her happy, safe and warm. The truth is that I'd give anything to be the man that made her all those things. I just refused to believe that I was anywhere near her league. Now I can't stand to look at myself in mirror.


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