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I have always believed in fairy tale love

I am 18 years old and will be 19 in June of 2006. I have always believed in fairy tale love and have always wanted to find the "right" one. For years i never would date guys just to be dating them because i wanted true love, the kind that u see on movies and read in books. So, boys came and went and I have always been easily hurt. I too, have always been sheltered by my parents and done everything they expected of me and i was very faithful to my church and to God. When I turned 18, i was dating this guy who i was so much in love with. Well, just like my luck things didn't work out. After that i became sick and tired of being the "good girl" and wanted to explore. I got drunk for the first time at the age of 18, and every since have been drunk every weekend and some through the week. I wanted true love and was gonna find it no matter what i had to do. Then, i met this guy! He was absolutely gorgeous and i just knew at the first glance that he would be the one i would lose my virginity to. Well, boy was i right, but it all happend the wrong way. We started talking and became very close and he ask me out. I was very scared to say yes cause for some reason i just knew he would hurt me cause that was the way that things always turned out for me. Then, one weekend, it happened! For the first time in my life i gave into the sappy words that all guys say when they are wanting to "hook up!" I lost it and he promised he wouldn't hurt me. An hour after we had sex, he left and i have spoke to him two times since. All though i am having a very very hard time wit it, i realized he may have took the very most important thing to me but he didn't take my pride and no matter what, i would get over it. I was more disappointed in myself because i let myself down. Something that was so important to me, my virginity, i let go of so easy and now i can't have the fairy tale love that i had always dreamed of.


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