Love Stories @ RomanceClass -|
Laughing and joking and just taking love all in at once
I have a quick love story to tell and about me and my dude. Our relationship hasn't exactly been paradise for us. Yeah, we're still in our mushy mushy stage, but not everyone is giving us their blessing to be with one another. For all those who have at least one person trying to break your relationship up knows exactly what I'm talking about. Well, we're still strong and refuse to break up, because of what people think and how they feel. Over a year ago I had wrote this letter to my guy, because he was incarcerated. And basically it was on my thoughts about life in general and love and how to deal with "people expectations" and everything like that. Well, when I had wrote the letter I wasn't sure if me and him will last at all. I considered him my special buddy. I figured he'll get out of jail and me and him will no longer talk and us writing would just be a sweet memory, you know? Well, he came home to me and we had an instant connection. It was fabolous! Talking hours on the phone. Laughing and joking and just taking love all in at once. Well, we moved tooo fast . . . cuz next thing you knew he was asking me to marry him and I was saying yes! Like, give me a reason why I shouldn't! So here we are now . . . engaged and still loving each other. STILL people got something to say about us, but it doesn't matter at the end, you know? Everyone has only one soulmate and your friends and families can't tell you what to do. Well, mine can't. They don't have to accept it (I'll admit that much) but they do have to realize he isn't going anywhere. Well, here is a little encouraging words for anyone who's in a relationship with someone that "the world" disapprove of. I wrote this letter to my guy one day when we were just starting.
I'M JUST THINKING - THINK WITH ME
WHAT ARE DREAMS MADE OF?
To Whom It May Concern:
I'm living in a world where I'm judged for showing love to an incarcerated man. Where it's considered "wrong" to actually be with one. Where I'm intentionally setting myself up for a broken heart, but the world doesn't understand him . . . . . or me.
The world wants to judge me, because I'm feeling every word he writes. I'm understanding how he's feeling, and simply cannot ignore it. I'm considered silly if I get emotionally attached and dumb if I think of being more than his "penpal".
Reading his thoughts lets me know a man has feelings deeper than any ocean, and dreams that goes beyond the stars in the sky. He shows a side to thugs that had never existed to me . . . . . his emotions on paper and charming personality is so contagious. Makes it hard for me to stop at one letter. I want/need to know what's beyond those letters.
Reading between the lines is always a hard task when coming to him. My letters are filled with so many questions that he answers honestly, but yet I'm still dissatisfied. He's real with thoughts, leave no open gaps. I have no reason to be clueless.
For once, I'll like to know that I'm not making myself to be a fool. I like to know my time spent writing him is being cherished. That I will forever be remembered for all the great things about me.
He's smart in every way possible. His dreams are large, also. He uses words that no thugs uses. He write things that are delightful. I could get carry away with his words. He's been through more than I could even say, it's written in his letters. In more ways than one, we both could relate to being hurt at least once by one person.
His request to me was not to doubt him. My response to him was I'll try. He says it takes time to trust, but it's cool. My thoughts are it's not cool not to trust. He claims he wants to see me. My heart does flipflops to this thought. Again, the world give me a funny look just for thinking what if . . . . .
Lying to one is easy. Lying to yourself is not possible. To Whom May Want To Know: I call him my special buddy with a sly smile on my face denying the fact that he's healing my heart from the impossible. A broken heart that's been in love before. To Whom May Want To Know: This man is someone I would like to help, but my eyes lights up because only I know he's not another incarcerated man. To Whom May Want To Learn: I'm not emotionally attached to this man, but I still find myself giggling hilariously when he writes something funny. To Whom May Want To Learn: I don't know this man well enough to care, but still when I think of him my heart skips two beats.
The world say cruel things to him , because of one mistake he made. The world say cruel things to me, because of my insistance on writing him. My mind says, "Fuck the world and the people in it. Them motherf*****s are so damn coldhearted. Who gives a rotten crap if they like it or not?" My heart shushes my mind and simply states the world has been right once. Can't a group of people be wrong, can they? Never happened. And my soul and spirit just grasp onto the type of person he is. Let my heart and mind argue what's right, wrong, a mistake, or correct. My soul and spirit are healing with each letter he sends.
Dreams are made up of everything from pain to the impossible. He holds in his heart everything dreams are made of. As I had wrote before, "He are what all dreams are made of. He is such a fairytale." He stays real to himself, that's what I need.
Romance me, love me, please me, tease me, humor me, and take me on an everlasting emotionally rollercoaster with no ending. A journey that has no ending to it. That's what I need. Family, kids, marriage, puppy, and a dedicated husband to love. That's what I want. Sex, fantasies, role playing, is all I lust. All wrapped up in me.
What he has to offer, I'll never know. What he needs, I'll never understand. What he wants is all I ever dream of giving to one. Finding out his offer and needs are no hard task. I know what he wants, therefor, I'll learn his needs and soon know his offer.
See, he has me thinking of things that my heart keeps hush and mute about. He has my heart thinking he could be the O - N - E. And again, he has my soul and spirit helaing with each letter I read. See, it's not even love, it's all lust right now. Like from the lines in my song, "Lust you and want you", but with each passing second, lust could easily be interpret as love.
Admitting it to all, I like and care a little for my special buddy who's healing my heart. To those who may want to know, he's much more than a pen pal. Everyone in my business, I do want to see this guy.
The world thinks they know me, but thinking only proves they need to do more research on what they don't know. Cuz see, the world and I are on two different pages. The world says it's wrong for a girl to write, lust, want, fantasize about an incarcerated man. I say that an incarcerated man understands like no other man, what a woman wants, lusts, need, fantasizes about, therefor, she has every right to get captivated with him.
He may not know who I am, or understand the fact of why I'm so into his "style", but he knows exactly what I want. He may not realize what makes me upset, or make me want to snap from frustration, but he knows how to make all that anger vanish in a blink. He may be confused with my thoughts, and frustrated with my attitude on certain situations, but he knows my wants like a jigsaw puzzle. He may say I'm pissing him off, or I'm a little crazy, but dude knows how to keep it real like no other.
Maybe he wants nothing more than us being friends, but I push the thought out of my mind. For this time now I consider him my man, partner, and on some occasion, my soulmate. Maybe he has a woman waiting for him when he gets out, but I leave that alone. In this moment we share now, he's mine. He belongs to me. I get his thoughts, dreams, fears, and all of him in whole. Maybe I am something to pass time, but thinking that hurts me, so the thought must be vanished quickly. In the present time, I'm his time. His letters are directed to me, and he gives me good time : ). Maybe he is proved to be all wrong like the world claims, but the world is on statistics and I'm on facts.
Never underestimate this man's ability to love one so openly. Never judge this man from experience with past men. Never label him, because it feels right. Never listen to the world. To myself and him I must stay true. But then again, my heart says, "Never say never. Underestimate this man's ability to love one so openly. Judge this man from experience with past men. Label him, because it feels right. Listen to the world. Still, to yourself and him you must stay true."
He, I wouldn't say love me, but in this time now he's feeling me. He, I wouldn't say is attached to me, but the person in his letter is wanting me. He, I'll never say lust me, but the temptation is building up inside. He is someone I wouldn't mind . . . . . for him, I'll remain honest. For him, I'll remain writing. For him, oh for him, I'll give my last thought to.
There are not words to describe why I should continue to explore this magnificient man, but words are not always necessary. How my soul and spirit feels is reason enough to lose all self-control and get blown away. If this hapiness last for four months, six months . . . . . it'd always be cherished and remembered. If every day was filled with people such as he seems to be, life would be a whole lot easier to handle. And just the very thought of . . . . . Oh, even for a short time we write letters and share feelings. He is all I want, lust for, and need in one man.
Soon he'll return home and I'll return waiting for Mr. right to find me. He'll go back to doing things his way, and I'll return to every day life. I'll soon be forgotten and thought of as a dream. everything from letter A to last letter Z would be so far from reality. Everything we shared together would be something from a movie.
He gave me reasons of why I should heal. For someone to love me or make me glow are reasons to heal. For someone sweet, charming, and deliciously contagious are all reasons for me to heal. He healed me with his letters miles away from me.
For Whom It May Concern: my direction is the path to which God leads me. To Whom It May Concern: the path that I choose to take is to find out what if. To Whom Is All In My Business: Ain't nothing wrong with walking down a path I've been down once before, because it's different now. And as I walk down this path that seems familiar, I learn something new. For instance, I don't want to turn and run. I don't want to hide behind a bush. I'll continue walking until my question is answered. What if?
To Whom It May Concern: my dreams are made up of pain, loneliness, dedication, understanding, promises, hardship, sincerity, tears, and unconditional love to achieve the impossible. For Whom It May Concern: everything I share with this man about my dreams is nothing illegal. To Whom Is All In My Business: ain't nothing wrong spilling to one on paper.
The facts of life is stated to every young girl once for every mistake she makes. "Learn from your mistake and don't let it happen again." Truth be told, not every mistake can be avoided to make. If you fell in love and got your heart broken, you could love again. So if falling in love the first time was a mistake, to avoid it and not let it happen again would be an even bigger mistake. And with this conclusion I have to give thanks to R* A* M*, for he sees my pain from a distance. And with his honesty and encouraging words on "LOVE", I'll be able to love again.
My analysis of life isn't a professional one. In fact, I'm just nineteen putting everything I know on paper. I'm young to the world, but in soul and spirit, I'm older. See, I don't need a Ph. D. in physcology to understand what makes the world turns. And I don't need a physchiatrist analyzing my thoughts on the world. I'm perfectly capable of listening, seeing, feeling, and observing what's real. So what makes the world turn round is not money or love like a lot of people believe. It's the fact that a person could be real and honest to an indivual and expect the same thing back. What really makes this world what it is today, is dishonesty and lack of realism from another.
So as I sit back in my chair thinking of that sweet guy who I write my dreams and thoughts to, I thank God for chosing his path to take. Cuz, every little thing happens for a reason. My reason, as seems to be, is to live life to the fullest and hop on the first train that heads to CHANGE.
As far as what the world thinking that me liking, caring, and lusing this man is a mistake, "The world could mind there own damn business, or buy a damn newspaper." This female, N* C. J*, have the courage to love and care for another, regardless how the world feels about who I choose to care about. And also, have the energy to keep giving, when there seems to be nothing to give. But as the Lord has it, there's always something left to give when all is taken. So, though my love was taken for granted the first time, I have the courage and energy to love one as I plan to do eventually.
If all my thoughts, dreams, and caring feelings are taken for granted by this one man, still, his path is one I liked. No one said every journey lasted forever, but I intend to make every path I take a sweet road to survival. If he remembers nothing more than my name, thoughts, and desires, then yes, it was a sweet of a road for him as to me. And as far as survival, every path comes with obstacles. So he is my journey. My obstacle on his path is remaining strong.
To the sweetest guy the world would never know about, R*. You are true and honest to yourself as to another. And your path is one I would travel a million and one times, only because you make the journey of learning about you pleasurable. And however this path may end, I hope you still remember us walking hand in hand down the road together.
To Whom It May Concern: I'm allowed to speak/write my thoughts to any one person I want to. To Whom May Think They Know It All: I'm entitled to feel happiness and smile/laugh for no reason what so ever. To Whom I Refuse To Answer To: I, N* C* J*, answers to God and my heart. To Those Who Don't Know Me: I live my life making choices that desires me and I feel are healthy for me. For all those who can't see what makes me lust and want this man so badly, "Close your eyes, cuz obviously it's none of your business."
Conclusions are that this man, my special buddy, gives a whole new meaning to breaking rules and making mistakes. If I break a rule, Oh fucking well. If I make a mistake, who gives a crap? From the words of R* A. M*, "No one said life was going to be easy. Mistakes are learning experiences." So if lusting and caring for him as much as I do is a mistake, then this learning experience will always be remembered as a sweet one.
Little thoughts on paper . . . . . . . . N* C. J*
PS: Not in the form of a letter, just thoughts going through my head. Meant for my eyes only, but I'll be happy to share what I'm feeling with you, R*.
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