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I Won't Share My Past

We both agreed that the depth of our relationship was not just lovers but best friends and soul mates. When we first met we had an immediate connection. That connection gave us both a unique experience of being able to read each others deepest emotions. A unique feeling which was new to us both so we began to explore these feelings and each other to understand what this meant. We fell in love.

We enjoyed many wonderful times together and shared laughter, love and tears. Through these times however we both knew what each others boundaries were and stepped around them. We tended not to work with each other to guide the other past the walls and insecurities that have been established to date in our lives. We did this so that we did not disturb in anyway what we had built together, we did not want to taint the essence of pure love.

How many soul mates do we have? Is it only one or one in a million? Will I be looking for another 26 years to find one? What I do know is that I do not want to loose one. Whilst I can not hold on to our relationship and a soul mate today, I still hold hope for the future. That I may find someone as special as you or that our paths may cross again at a stage in our lives which is right for both of us.

Does timing matter when it comes to love? No matter how perfect a relationship may seem it still requires time and energy to grow. We can not provide input into a relationship when we have failed to ensure the foundations of us as individuals are not stable. I need time to ensure my foundation is complete, to ensure that I am secure in myself, to ensure that I can have a relationship with a partner similar to what we have lovers, best friends and soul mates. I want that person to be my life partner, to share the highs and lows with. I can not share these moments when I am not secure in myself. I am not comfortable burdening someone I love with my past and tainting our pure love.

The love we give to others comes from loving ourselves. I need to give myself more love before I can extend further in giving love to anyone else. I love her more than I love myself which is not healthy for anyone. My reaction was to distance myself physically and emotionally. It has hurt me to think I hurt her this way but in a way it will hopefully give me sufficient time to find my love. This time will mean that I will loose her as I do not know how long it will take, but I can not loose myself.

You have touched my heart and will always be in it.


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