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in my dreams we are together and he is holding me and i am kissing him

I met a guy from lava who was 22, i am thirty-nine. I went over there to get intimate but I was having a real hard time in my personal life and he was too it turned out. When i looked in his eyes i fell in love with him and i fell in love with his place and when he had his arm around me i have never felt so connected. the next i went over he kissed me on the couch for like an hour solid it seemed like. I just wanted to look in his eyes and kiss him, when we went in the room we just stood next to each other and it just seemed like he was trembiling and i could feel his heart and my heart beating, we just stood there together like that and didnt even need to touch or anything, we just stood real close. after i left that night, I cut him out of my msn cause my feelings were so strong and then when i asked him what he was 'looking' for in an email, he seemed to get really mad and started accusing me of not accepting our ages and then also saying at the same time that I should have known it was only 'physical', well thats confusing cause if it was only physical then why does he care what i think about our ages. anyway, he said he thought its best we not see eachother again. I was really hurt about the whole thing huge and busted into his msn account using his last name as a password and guessed it first try! I didnt look in there it freaked me out to be in there but i did kick him out of his own account a few times and freaked him to the max. He emailed me all mad and then called my house and hung up a few times etc. I did as he wished and never contacted him but he got stuck in my mind in a love fantasy and i think about him non-stop every minute of the day, it almost killed me not to call there or contact him and im pretty sure he felt the same, the age thing just was super hard, when i signed on LL again and put a profile up i noticed he didnt sign on anymore until mine was down, then he was right back on, that was wierd as if he uincomfortable or worreied i was goign to contact him ,then all he had to do is block me and there is no reason he needs to have me on his hotlist and worry when i sign on or that got me thinking about him again, finally i broke down and emailed him sayign want to be friends or something and a week later he emailed back saying he was in terribel shape and was ignroing his life and everyone important to him and was a mess and would not make a good 'friend' for me. i dont know if he was being sarcastic or blwoing me off or what so i wrote back and said i ahve a similar problem and that i cant stop thinking about him and that situtaion. then i havent heard back, it was 4 days ago but i just keep feeling him in my heart all the time. is it possible we love eachother and we just wont admit it or is really that hes just busy and never thought about it again. sometimes i daydream about him all day and no matter what i feel him wiht me all the time, in my dreams we are together and he is holding me and i am kissing him and we do all kinds of stuff in our dreams. i go on about my daily life, i see other people and i try to forget and sometimes i do forget and then i remember adn i feel bad that i forgot and i want to think about him again and i do. i am totally in love with th guy for real i know it and i wish he loved me back cause it would be so beautiful like it was when we were together but i have never realyl loved anyone like this before and its kind of scary, i am too scared to acknowledge it, it seems too powerful. will he email me back or will he just leave it like this? is it twisted that i fell for someone way younger cause i cant seem to fathom his age or anything, i should but i cant but i know if any aspect of the relationship were hurting him or he had other plans in his life i would want nothing but the best for him and would respect it, but if he didnt, then my heart is right there for him to take it and it just seems like such a cruel twist to experience this out of the blue like this with this cruel age difference but i am totally willing to ignore it completely for some reason...


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